Overheard in Pittsburgh

61C Outbound, Forbes / Wightman. The bus is packed:

Old Jewish Woman: Bus Driver, open the back door!
Bus Driver: Sorry, ma’am, back door’s broken.
Old Jewish Woman: All right you jews, part the waters! You’ve done it before, you can do it again.
[Everyone complies.]

61B Inbound near CMU, Oakland. Saturday afternoon.
A woman in her late 50s is chattering to her daughter about how excited she’ll be to have another grandchild and how she hopes it’s a boy:

Daughter: Ma, gimme a cigarette.
Mother: I don’t have any.
Daughter: Yes, you do, I know you do.
Mother: Honey, your baby don’t need no nicotine.
Daughter: I’m his momma, I know what he needs!
Random Stranger: How ’bout givin’ me a cigarette? I ain’t pregnant.

GetGo, S. 18th St, South Side.
Two of the three cashiers on duty — all women in their 40s-50s  — are discussing the hot dogs:

Cashier #1: Whatta yinz want me a do wid ese ones?
Cashier #2: Throw em aht, ey’re yucky.
Cashier #1: What?
Cashier #2: Ey’re YUCKY! YUCKY!!!

A minute later, Cashiers #1 and#3 have a long conversation about the lingering smell in the restroom.

— Overheard by Stephanie

Men’s Room, Lobby, Marriott, Downtown. After a Fire Evacuation:

Black Man #1: [at urinal, sounds like Eddie Griffin] Shit. She called from Tampa with that shit.
Black Man #2: [at another urinal] Yeah.
Black Man #1: I told her that shit work both ways.
Black Man #2: Yeah.
Black Man #1: Shit.
White Man: [in handicapped stall] Is that Eddie Griffin?
Black Man #2: Yeah.

GetGo, Wilkinsburg.
Two men are discussing problems with a grocery bagger:

Man #1: I told him to put the bread on TOP. It’s just common sense. I don’t want no CURVED sandwich.

61F Inbound , Craig St. , Oakland.
A woman in her 40s gets on the bus, which is very crowded:

Woman: WATCH OUT, I’m movin’ to the back!
[Woman starts forcefully shoving people to get to the back of the bus, muttering all the way]
—Damn people must like to be squished like sardines. I can’t believe this. Idiots. Always crowd the front of the bus. People should learn to move to the back.
[Woman gets to back of bus, and starts shouting at the people in the front]
—Yinz should come back here, it’s nice and empty! There’s a seat too! Start moving back, people! Come on!

941 Saloon, Liberty Ave., Downtown.
A Bartender is discussing why no one has spotted Seth Rogen even though he’s in town filming the new Kevin Smith movie:

Bartender: Well, they’re filming in Squirrel Hill. Someone sees Seth Rogen and they don’t think anything of it. It’s just like, “Hey! Big jew!”

— Overheard by Bellum

Penn Ave, Strip District:

Guy #1: So, anyway… Myron and Bill walk into this bar in Texas, right? And as soon as they walk in the door, the place goes quiet. All these shit-kickers stop and look at them.
Guy#2: Did they walk out?
Guy #1: No, man. They walked up to the bar and ordered a beer. And this guy next to Myron at the bar goes, “You ain’t from around here, are you?” And Myron leans back and looks at the guy and goes, [in a perfect Myron Cope impression] “NO I AIN’T.”
[Guy #2 and everyone nearby erupt in laughter.]

— Overheard by J

Rest in Peace, Myron.

Party, Brentwood:

Partygoer #1: [surveying a table of food] Well, well, well, what do we have here?
Partygoer #2: It’s ham barbeque, dickface. Shut up and fix yourself a sandwich.

Ad Agency, Strip District. Thursday Morning.
One co-worker is explaining the recent solar eclipse to another:

Co-worker: Oh, yeah, the moon turns red, and it’s not because we’re all gonna die.