Overheard in Pittsburgh

Dining Room, Duquesne Club.
Three Old, Rich White Guys are having dinner at the corner table:

Old, Rich White Guy: I’ve been having a lot of non-orgasm orgasms lately. Really, it’s the best mattress I ever bought.

Meyran Ave, Oakland. Night.
Lights are being flicked on and off in an apartment:

Girl in Apartment: Come rave with me!
[Laughter can be heard from another apartment, across the street.]
Guy in Apartment: Shit, there’s people out there! [Quickly shuts the curtains.]

— Overheard by Carol

Litchfield Towers Lobby, Pitt Campus:

Guy: So if you could have anyone sing a song about your life, who would it be?
Girl: I think it would have to be Justin Timberlake — not just because he’s a good singer, but he can really tell a story with his music.

— Overheard by Julia

Outside a bar, Ambridge. Evening.
A father is standing with his six-year-old son.

Child: [pointing at his father and running away into the Sunoco parking lot] STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!
Father: You get back here! That’s stranger danger over there!

— Overheard by Rachel and Dommy

61C Outbound, Forbes / Wightman. The bus is packed:

Old Jewish Woman: Bus Driver, open the back door!
Bus Driver: Sorry, ma’am, back door’s broken.
Old Jewish Woman: All right you jews, part the waters! You’ve done it before, you can do it again.
[Everyone complies.]

61B Inbound near CMU, Oakland. Saturday afternoon.
A woman in her late 50s is chattering to her daughter about how excited she’ll be to have another grandchild and how she hopes it’s a boy:

Daughter: Ma, gimme a cigarette.
Mother: I don’t have any.
Daughter: Yes, you do, I know you do.
Mother: Honey, your baby don’t need no nicotine.
Daughter: I’m his momma, I know what he needs!
Random Stranger: How ’bout givin’ me a cigarette? I ain’t pregnant.

GetGo, S. 18th St, South Side.
Two of the three cashiers on duty — all women in their 40s-50s  — are discussing the hot dogs:

Cashier #1: Whatta yinz want me a do wid ese ones?
Cashier #2: Throw em aht, ey’re yucky.
Cashier #1: What?
Cashier #2: Ey’re YUCKY! YUCKY!!!

A minute later, Cashiers #1 and#3 have a long conversation about the lingering smell in the restroom.

— Overheard by Stephanie

Men’s Room, Lobby, Marriott, Downtown. After a Fire Evacuation:

Black Man #1: [at urinal, sounds like Eddie Griffin] Shit. She called from Tampa with that shit.
Black Man #2: [at another urinal] Yeah.
Black Man #1: I told her that shit work both ways.
Black Man #2: Yeah.
Black Man #1: Shit.
White Man: [in handicapped stall] Is that Eddie Griffin?
Black Man #2: Yeah.

GetGo, Wilkinsburg.
Two men are discussing problems with a grocery bagger:

Man #1: I told him to put the bread on TOP. It’s just common sense. I don’t want no CURVED sandwich.

61F Inbound , Craig St. , Oakland.
A woman in her 40s gets on the bus, which is very crowded:

Woman: WATCH OUT, I’m movin’ to the back!
[Woman starts forcefully shoving people to get to the back of the bus, muttering all the way]
—Damn people must like to be squished like sardines. I can’t believe this. Idiots. Always crowd the front of the bus. People should learn to move to the back.
[Woman gets to back of bus, and starts shouting at the people in the front]
—Yinz should come back here, it’s nice and empty! There’s a seat too! Start moving back, people! Come on!