One-Liners

Archived Posts from this Category

Tue 3 Jul 2007

“But if she doesn’t come back, it was never meant to be.”

16th Street, South Side. 1 a.m.:

Drunk Guy: [to Drunk Friend] My motto is “If you can make her scream like every animal in the zoo, she’s yours.”

Mon 2 Jul 2007

Or when he actually gets a job.

Bar, Hemingway’s, Oakland.

College Guy: [between sips of beer, to College Girl] When I get really old, I know I’ll be wearing pants up to, like, my waist.

Fri 29 Jun 2007

Exactly why I refuse to listen to Jewel

Outside Shady Grove, Shadyside. 1 a.m.
A couple has just been accosted by a woman begging for money and wearing a wrist brace:

Shadyside Dude: I wasn’t listening to what she said; she’s fucking homeless!

— Overheard by grace

Tue 26 Jun 2007

LITERALLY

Aldi, Etna.
Two elderly women are shopping, and one is trying to reach a bag of Werther’s Original candies from a high shelf.  A younger woman walks over to help her get the bags:

Elderly Woman: Can you get me one of the bags with the red label?  Actually, make it two, no, wait, three.  My husband eats these like candy.

— Overheard by Megan