Overheard in Pittsburgh

Rite-Aid, Forbes Ave, Downtown:

Rite-Aid Employee: You look rich. Wanna get married?
College Girl: I’m not rich: I’m in college.
Rite-Aid Employee: That’s okay; that means you’ll get rich someday.

— Overheard by Point Park student

Point State Park:

Panhandler: Can you spare some change?
Woman: Get a job.
Panhandler: Bitch!
Woman: Bitch with a job!

Law Firm, Downtown:

Male Paralegal: [to Female Paralegal] Jane and I were just having fun with hot wax.

— Overheard by Curious Esquire

Carnegie Library, Oakland.
One Janitor tells another the plot of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol:

Janitor #1: The first ghost was named “Pinkie”, and he beat the crap out of death.
Janitor #2: Aaah…

Bus Stop, 21st and Liberty, Strip District.
A Young Woman hurriedly arrives at the stop:

Young Woman: Did the 54C already come by?
Skanky Guy: No, not yet.
[Skanky Guy pulls can of Labatt’s Blue out of a duffel bag, cracks it open, and chugs entire can.]
Skanky Guy: And it better fuckin’ hurry up or I’m going to be late for work.

— Overheard by Smokey

Company Christmas Party, Gateway Clipper Fleet:

Smoking Woman: You really have to watch what you eat. They put so much garbage in food these days; some of it’s really unhealthy.
— Overheard by C

Office Building, Baum Boulevard, Bloomfield:

Co-Worker: Oh, yeah, we’re going to the Cricket to get Christmas lap dances.

— Overheard by Wendy D.

67H Inbound, near Mercy Hospital, the Bluff.
A short and round Old Lady in a knit cap is talking to herself loudly as she leaves the bus:

Old Lady: [in a strange, high-pitched voice] My legs- my legs- my legs- my legs- I won’t- I won’t- I won’t- I won’t-
Old Lady: [stops, puts an arm around the waist of a much taller Young Man by the door and smiles up at him.]
Old Lady: Kiss me! I love you!”
Young Man: [says and does nothing, trying with difficulty not to laugh. Old Lady, unphased, gets off the bus. Doors close.]
Bus Driver: [deadpan, breaking strained silence] I should’ve been a pilot.

— Overheard by Wendy D.

Eat’n'Park, Squirrel Hill.
Two Retired Teachers talk loudly over their husbands:

Retired Teacher #1: [to Retired Teacher #2] I thought for sure I would die in the classroom. Guess I was wrong.

–Overheard by Psychic Sarah

Inbound 71D bus packed with Pitt Students:

Bus Driver: Step to the back! There ain’t no snakes back there!

— Overheard by Cranky CMU Worker