Overheard in Pittsburgh

Bar, Hemingway’s, Oakland.

College Guy: [between sips of beer, to College Girl] When I get really old, I know I’ll be wearing pants up to, like, my waist.

Under the Bridges near 279 North, North Side.
A Just Ducky tour drives past the Warhol Museum:

Tour Guide: Alright, everybody! Get your cameras ready! This is the most exciting and amazing thing you’ll see in all of Pittsburgh: the underside of 279! Amazing!
Kid in Back: You suck!

Saxonburg Carnival, Saxonburg:

Girl #1: My boss always calls me at home when I take a day off.
Girl #2: I’m glad my boss doesn’t call me on my day off because I’m usually, like, in court.

Docherty Talent Agency, Downtown.
A CoolDude™ actor is casually bragging to other auditioners about living in Los Angeles:

Actor: Yeah, it’s tough living out there, man. You gotta be a real self-advocate, a real self-promoter, you know? And you gotta surround yourself with smart people who know what they’re doing. They’re going to use you, but they’ll be honest with you. Everyone uses you out there, but at least you’ll know.

— Overheard by Beach Head

Carnegie Mellon Bookstore, CMU Campus. Afternoon.
A stoner walks up to the counter to make his purchase. The salesperson is wearing a button that says “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!”:

Stoner: Hey, is today really your birthday?
Salesperson: No, I just found this button on the counter.
Stoner: Well then, FUCK YOU! You dirty liar!
Salesperson: Um, OK. Thanks.

In Line for Pasta Plus, Peterson Events Center, Pitt Campus :

College Guy #1: Hey, man, whatcha doing tonight?
College Guy #2: Oh, you know, man: I got a lotta work. I’m probably going to read for a long time.
College Guy #1: Yeah, me too.
College Guy #2: Then watch some TV. Then rub, like, three out.
College Guy #1: Yeah, man. I hear you.

Wendy’s, Bloomfield:

Manager: Hey, I need that double cheese now.
Employee: I… this one?
Manager: No, this is the bacon… did you make this twice?
Employee: I guess….
Manager: Alright, just make that other one now.
[Manager goes back to customer]
Manager: [looking back] Oh, and, do me a favor: next time someone passes you that blunt… put it back, a’ight?

— Overheard by Kevin

61B Inbound, Oakland:

African American Woman: [Addressing Bus Driver] That’s what I tol’ my son: I put you on this earth, I can take you out. I’ll get my Louisville Slugger. Uncle Sam’s got him over in Iraq now, though.
Bus Driver: So he’s getting whupped for a paycheck instead of for free?!
African American Woman: Exactly. I tol’ all my kids, I brought you in, I’ll take you out. Even my granddaughter, I didn’t bring her in, but I’ll take her out too. I tol’ her that and she went crying to Sharise — her mama — but Sharise just tol’ her “Baby girl, your grammy tol’ me that when I was a little girl too, and I’m sticking to it.” She went
crying to her other grammy, and she tol’ her the same thing I did.
Bus Driver: Amen!

[The bus pulls up to the Pittsburgh Children’s Hospital. The African American woman gets up to start getting off the bus.]

African American Woman: Time to get my nurse on!

—  Overheard by Connor

Toy Department, Target, Waterfront:

Punk Girl: [to Emo Boy with Caucasian ‘Fro]: This smells like your job.

54C Outbound. Evening.
The bus is hot, steamy and crowded with passengers bundled for winter:

Bus Driver: Ladies and gentlemen, please: Stop informing me that the bus is hot. I know this. I am on the bus as well. So there is no reason to tell me that the bus is hot. I can not regulate the temperature, so please, if you would, just imagine that it’s 16 degrees below outside and you are so happy that you are on this nice warm bus. We gots to work with what we got here, people.

— Overheard by very cozy