Overheard in Pittsburgh

Beehive, South Side.
A nerdy, bearded man sits by himself, enthralled in his laptop when three more nerds join him:

Beard Nerd: YO, MAN! You totally gave me the WRONG SPELL for Warcraft! I’M STILL AT THE SAME LEVEL!
Nerd Friend #1: Don’t yell at me for not being able to attain Warcraft greatness.
Nerd Friend #2: Hey, guys. My new girlfriend? She keeps getting on me for being a gamer. Like, come on! It’s a part of me. She’s really great though: She’s funny.
Nerd Friend #3: Well, dude, if she won’t actively participate in World of Warcraft with her man, then she’s gotta go. Make her a gamer, or she’s gotta go.

Women’s Restroom, near the Lobby, Marriott, Downtown.
A heavy-set, frizzy-haired woman in a flannel shirt, hiking boots and no pants stands at the air hand-drier:

Woman: [announcing to no one in particular] I’m trying to get the blood stains out of my pants!

— Overheard by Lynne

Bus Stop outside Magee Women’s Hospital:

Pregnant Girl on Cell Phone: Ma? Yeah, guess what it is.
—Yeah. Now guess what the other one is.
—Yeah; it’s twins.
—Oh, I just turned around and started beating the crap out of him.
—He was all like, to the nurse, “Make her stop!” and she’s like, “Why? It’s your fault.”

Confidential to Maimed in Magee: Only the mother has any influence on the likelihood of fraternal twins, and the occurrence of identical twins is random. Tell your lady this next time she tries to guilt you into going out for groceries at 3 a.m.

Escalator, Barnes and Noble, Squirrel Hill. Sunday afternoon.

College Nerdy Chick: [to two friends] So his wife went to Europe, and while she was away… He got their baby a vasectomy!
Friends: No way!

— Overheard by vin

Outside the University Center, CMU. 7 p.m.
Two CMU cops gesture at something far away on the football field:

CMU Cop #1: Y’ever seen one a’ them on fire?
CMU Cop #2: Yeah. Ya never forget ya first time.

— Overheard by beadnik.

Pharmacy Counter, Rite-Aid, Forbes/Murray, Squirrel Hill. 11 p.m.
A man is purchasing Claritin-D, which requires him to scan his license to make sure he’s not making methamphetamine:

40-Something Man: [Scans license] Now you know who I am.
Pharmacist: Well, you know the rules: Just need to make sure you’re just taking this for allergies and are not making bad stuff with it.
40-Something Man: Actually, I’m making enemas with it. For my CATS.
Pharmacist: Well… that’s interesting. What do you cut that with?
40-Something Man: Straight VODKA.
Pharmacist: Suit yourself. Here’s your receipt.

— Overheard by Christopher

Pharmacy Line, Giant Eagle Marketplace, Centre Ave, Shadyside .
A seemingly confused midde-aged woman wheels her cart into line, bumping into people and shopping carts.

Employee: Hey! I haven’t seen you for a while! How have you been?
Confused Woman: Oh, fine. I got hit by a car on Friday, but otherwise great.

— Overheard by Impressed

67F Outbound, near CVS, Wilkins Ave, Squirrel Hill

Man: That’s the house where my sister shot her husband.

[Silence.]

Second Floor, Posvar Hall, University of Pittsburgh.
A Girl at a table is visibly upset as she talks on her cell phone:

Girl on Cell: Who?
—No, I told you I was going to push her down the stairs!

— Overheard by hta

Eat’n'Park, Squirrel Hill.
Two Retired Teachers talk loudly over their husbands:

Retired Teacher #1: [to Retired Teacher #2] I thought for sure I would die in the classroom. Guess I was wrong.

–Overheard by Psychic Sarah