Overheard in Pittsburgh

Under the Bridges near 279 North, North Side.
A Just Ducky tour drives past the Warhol Museum:

Tour Guide: Alright, everybody! Get your cameras ready! This is the most exciting and amazing thing you’ll see in all of Pittsburgh: the underside of 279! Amazing!
Kid in Back: You suck!

Carson, South Side. Saturday Night.
Three pre-teens, two boys and a girl, are walking down Carson. The girl stops at a bus stop and the boys keep walking:

Girl: [to man at bus stop] Do the buses that stop here go downtown? [The man answers yes. The girl turns to shout at the boys.] I’m catchin’ a bus, yo! I’m not walkin’!
[One of the boys turns and mumbles something over his shoulder, ending with “rape you.”]
Girl: AND THEN DARLENE’S GONNA RAPE YOU!

— Overheard by bookgrrl

Post Office, Pleasant Hills.
A blonde girl in a Volvo is backing out at the same time as several other cars.

Volvo Driver: UM, HELLO?!?! SATURN?!?! Are you going to back into my… VOLVO?!?! JESUS CHRIST!!!

JFK Airport, New York City.
Airplane passengers are waiting for their flight to Pittsburgh. A 20-something girl walks up to gate, sits on the floor with her bags and eats pizza:

Yinzer Man: [gesturing to an empty seat next to him] You can sit right here, if you want.
Girl: [shakes head] That’s okay, I’m fine.
Yinzer Wife: It’s OK; we don’t bite!
Girl: [shakes head again and keeps eating]
Man: [to Yinzer Man] Hey, can I sit here?
Yinzer Man: [glaring at Girl] Sure you can: SHE doesn’t want it!

Bus Stop, Waterfront:

Girl: Does this bus go to Squirrel Hill?
Bus Diver: Yep.
[Girl gets on bus.]
Emo Kid: Does this bus go to Squirrel Hill?
Bus Driver: No! No! No!
[Bus Driver closes door on Emo Kid and drives away quickly.]

Bus Stop, Murray / Forward, Squirrel Hill. Five minutes until the 61C arrives.
The weather is sunny, and the temperature is in the mid-30s:

Old Man: That bus won’t come!
—Makes me mad…
—That dumb blazin’ bus won’t show up! We’re gonna get frostbite waitin’ out here!
—Maybe they’re not runnin’…
—Maybe they’ll send another one?
—That dadgum bus!
—Makes me mad…
[The bus appears at the crest of the hill. A line of cars at the light holds it back.]
Old Man: Why won’t those cars move? [waves arm] Move, cars!
[A group of even older old people turn and look at him incredulously. The intersection finally clears, and the bus pulls up.]
Senile Old Man: [to the driver] Is this bus overcrowded? Are there seats?
Driver of Nearly Empty Bus: [answering first question] No.
Old Man: Aw, never mind, then.
[Senile Old Man shuffles away]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Packed 61C, Squirrel Hill.
A dozen people have just shoved themselves into the last available spaces, and the bus pulls away from the curb. A middle-aged lady arrives at the bus stop late and tries to get the driver’s attention:

Passenger: Hold it, driver!… HOLD IT, DRIVER!
Driver: [dryly] Where’s she gonna sit, on my lap?

[The bus drives on.]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

USAirways flight 1560, Ft. Lauderdale to Pittsburgh.
The majority of the passengers have sunburns and Steelers/camouflage/NASCAR clothing on. A large gentleman with the sleeves cut off of his t-shirt and a Yosemite Sam tattoo squeezes down the aisle, followed by a man with a Camaro shirt and a camo hat:

Man #1: [in thick yinzer accent]: Nuh-uh! These seatbelts are just like the ones on the Jack Rabbit!
Man #2: [next to him, shyly whispering] What’s the Jack Rabbit?
Man #1: [in disbelief]  JACK RABBIT’S ONE OF THE BEST ROLLER COASTERS EVER. IT’S AT KENNYWOOD.
[Several other passengers join in and talk about how great Kennywood is, how much they miss it, how they can’t wait for May…]

Man #3: You never heard of Kennywood? It’s best amusement park ever!
Man #4: Jack Rabbit’s a great roller coaster!
Man #5: I love `em Potato Patch French fries.

— Overheard by Ben Kundman

54C Outbound, Oakland.
Two old women get on the bus; one is markedly older than the other:

Old Woman: [shouting at Older Woman] Where’s your pass? WHERE’S YOUR PASS?!

[Older Woman doesn’t respond.]

Old Woman: WHERE’S YOUR BUS PASS?!!!

[Older Woman doesn’t respond; Old Woman goes through Older Woman’s purse in search of a bus pass.]

Older Woman: Just what the hell do you think you’re doing in my purse?
Old Woman: Looking for your pass.
Older woman: I don’t have a stinking pass! I’m too goddamned old for a damned pass!

— Overheard by Smokey.

EBO Outbound:

Bus Driver: Wilkinsburg Park and Ride: Where you can ride and not park at all or park
and not ride at all! Port Authority offers you options!