Overheard in Pittsburgh

Walnut Grill, Shadyside.
A Preppie Guy with spiked hair and one too many shirt buttons undone talks to two girls:

Preppie Guy: I don’t know if the uterus is involved, but if it is, the uterus needs to come out.

— Overheard by Sara

Starbucks, 6th & Penn, Downtown:
Latte Guy: If someone loses a family pet, make sure to be Johnny-on-the-spot and offer them a free cigar.
Woman: I’m sorry I don’t smoke cigars.

— Overheard by Maggie   

Statistics 800, Room 332, Cathedral of Learning.
A student walking to the front of the room trips over a wheelchair ramp:

Girl without a Soul: [Turns to the person next to her] I love it when people trip, don’t you?! Hahahaha.
Boy Next to Her: [Mumbles loud enough for a few others to hear] I wonder if God smites during Stats class.

— Overheard by JoelOneRowBack

Outside the University Center, CMU. 7 p.m.
Two CMU cops gesture at something far away on the football field:

CMU Cop #1: Y’ever seen one a’ them on fire?
CMU Cop #2: Yeah. Ya never forget ya first time.

— Overheard by beadnik.

67F Outbound, near CVS, Wilkins Ave, Squirrel Hill

Man: That’s the house where my sister shot her husband.

[Silence.]

Eat’n'Park, Squirrel Hill.
Two Retired Teachers talk loudly over their husbands:

Retired Teacher #1: [to Retired Teacher #2] I thought for sure I would die in the classroom. Guess I was wrong.

–Overheard by Psychic Sarah

Near the Roberto Clemente Bridge, Downtown. Before the Allstar Game.
A small group of anti-sweatshop protesters march toward the game when a group of anti-abortion protesters comes into view:

Sweatshop Protester #1: Look at them!
Sweatshop Protester #2: They’ll do anything for publicity!

- Overheard by Neutral Bystander

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: One of the unborn stars of the anti-abortion signs in named “Baby Malachai”! No autographs, please!

Restaurant, Squirrel Hill.
A young, tired-looking woman is paying at the cash register:

Young Yinzer Dude: [Shuffling to the counter] Hey, do yinz have any mayo packets?
Tired Young Woman: [Looks horrified] STAY WITH THE BABY!
[Everyone looks across the room to see an unattended baby carrier sitting on the floor.]