Overheard in Pittsburgh

Carson, South Side. Saturday Night.
Three pre-teens, two boys and a girl, are walking down Carson. The girl stops at a bus stop and the boys keep walking:

Girl: [to man at bus stop] Do the buses that stop here go downtown? [The man answers yes. The girl turns to shout at the boys.] I’m catchin’ a bus, yo! I’m not walkin’!
[One of the boys turns and mumbles something over his shoulder, ending with “rape you.”]
Girl: AND THEN DARLENE’S GONNA RAPE YOU!

— Overheard by bookgrrl

Bus Stop, Murray / Forward, Squirrel Hill. Five minutes until the 61C arrives.
The weather is sunny, and the temperature is in the mid-30s:

Old Man: That bus won’t come!
—Makes me mad…
—That dumb blazin’ bus won’t show up! We’re gonna get frostbite waitin’ out here!
—Maybe they’re not runnin’…
—Maybe they’ll send another one?
—That dadgum bus!
—Makes me mad…
[The bus appears at the crest of the hill. A line of cars at the light holds it back.]
Old Man: Why won’t those cars move? [waves arm] Move, cars!
[A group of even older old people turn and look at him incredulously. The intersection finally clears, and the bus pulls up.]
Senile Old Man: [to the driver] Is this bus overcrowded? Are there seats?
Driver of Nearly Empty Bus: [answering first question] No.
Old Man: Aw, never mind, then.
[Senile Old Man shuffles away]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Health and Wellness Section, Sam’s Club, Robinson.
A large 40-something woman holding a twin-pack of tampons stops pushing her buggy and turns to her pre-teen son:

Woman: SO WHAT? I’m allowed to shop here. I paid $40 for my membership like everyone else. She can kiss my ass and go to hell!

[The son blushes and looks embarrassed.]

Forbes Ave, Squirrel Hill:

Teenage Girl #1: [describing being in a car accident] So, now I freak out whenever I see a car turning a corner.
Teenage Girl #2: You’re traumatized! That’s so cute!

Starbucks, Sewickley. Sunday morning.
A 50-something husband and wife sit next to each other, reading newspapers:

Wife: Oh, look: K-Mart’s having a baby sale.
Husband: What kind of baby are you looking to buy?
Wife: Oh, you know, whatever’s on clearance.

— Overheard by Darwin Police

Upper Floor, Arby’s, Wood Street, Downtown.
A College Girl sits alone in a booth, talking on her cell phone:

College Girl: I was totally drunk that night. I know, I’m sorry. But I have a question. After everything I did, and all those things I said… Do you still think I’m sexy?
[long silence]
—Well…I guess I can live with that.

— Overheard by Bob M. 

Women’s Restroom, near the Lobby, Marriott, Downtown.
A heavy-set, frizzy-haired woman in a flannel shirt, hiking boots and no pants stands at the air hand-drier:

Woman: [announcing to no one in particular] I’m trying to get the blood stains out of my pants!

— Overheard by Lynne

Parking Lot, South Hills Village Mall.
A Middle-Aged Woman stands extremely close to a toothless Old Woman’s face:

Middle-Aged Woman: Do you want to go hoooooooooome?
Old Woman: Oh yeah, shur. Thah sounds gud.
Middle-Aged Woman: You don’t know what you want, gooooddaaamn it!

— Overheard by Jazz

Near the Purnell Center, CMU.
Two guys discuss the one’s ghost hunting adventure:

Guy #1: So, did you find anything that went bump in the night?
Guy #2: No, but there were plenty of things that went yawn in the night.

Escalator, Barnes and Noble, Squirrel Hill. Sunday afternoon.

College Nerdy Chick: [to two friends] So his wife went to Europe, and while she was away… He got their baby a vasectomy!
Friends: No way!

— Overheard by vin