Overheard in Pittsburgh

Office, South Side:

Mindless Receptionist: Then what happened?
Soul-Sucking Intern: I woke up and there was something in my mouth.

— Overheard by Sah Side Struggle

Health and Wellness Section, Sam’s Club, Robinson.
A large 40-something woman holding a twin-pack of tampons stops pushing her buggy and turns to her pre-teen son:

Woman: SO WHAT? I’m allowed to shop here. I paid $40 for my membership like everyone else. She can kiss my ass and go to hell!

[The son blushes and looks embarrassed.]

61C Inbound, Squirrel Hill. Morning.

Woman #1: Where’d you buy that [body glitter]?
Woman #2: Oh, I got this from a nudie bar — I mean that adult bookstore in Monroeville. Pretty much anywhere that sells dildoes sells body glitter.

— Overheard by mp

Crowded Ladies Room, Dave and Busters, Waterfront. Saturday Night.
A cell phone rings, and a woman answers it, screaming to the be heard:

Woman: HELLO?! HELLO! I’m at Dave and Busters right now! I’m in the ladies room, in the first stall here! I’m in here peein’!
— I’ll call you back; I gotta flush.

— Overheard by Linda

In Line for Pasta Plus, Peterson Events Center, Pitt Campus :

College Guy #1: Hey, man, whatcha doing tonight?
College Guy #2: Oh, you know, man: I got a lotta work. I’m probably going to read for a long time.
College Guy #1: Yeah, me too.
College Guy #2: Then watch some TV. Then rub, like, three out.
College Guy #1: Yeah, man. I hear you.

Pet Department, Wal-Mart, North Versailles:

Guy: [to his buddy] A blowjob is not sex. Sex is sticking your dick in something tight and moving it around.

— Overheard by Eavesdropper

Upper Floor, Arby’s, Wood Street, Downtown.
A College Girl sits alone in a booth, talking on her cell phone:

College Girl: I was totally drunk that night. I know, I’m sorry. But I have a question. After everything I did, and all those things I said… Do you still think I’m sexy?
[long silence]
—Well…I guess I can live with that.

— Overheard by Bob M. 

Women’s Restroom, near the Lobby, Marriott, Downtown.
A heavy-set, frizzy-haired woman in a flannel shirt, hiking boots and no pants stands at the air hand-drier:

Woman: [announcing to no one in particular] I’m trying to get the blood stains out of my pants!

— Overheard by Lynne

Checkout Line, Giant Eagle, Squirrel Hill:

Guy: [talking about someone on the radio] I like to hear his voice, I just don’t want to see him. You know, like, you can fuck the hooker, but you shouldn’t kiss the hooker.
Girl: [sweetly] Awww, we had that conversation the first night we met.

Target, Waterfront.
A Female Customer is buying a hand-sized plush cushion:

Female Cashier: What is this?
Female Customer: A massager.
Female Cashier: You can just sit on this and have a good time!

 — Overheard by Sophie