Overheard in Pittsburgh

86B Outbound. Late Afternoon:

Young Woman #1: [holding young boy] I took my son to be vaccinated today, but it ended up taking all day.
Young Woman #2: Really? Why’d it take the whole day?
Young Woman #1: I couldn’t remember how to spell his name, so I had to go back home to get his birth certificate.

Health and Wellness Section, Sam’s Club, Robinson.
A large 40-something woman holding a twin-pack of tampons stops pushing her buggy and turns to her pre-teen son:

Woman: SO WHAT? I’m allowed to shop here. I paid $40 for my membership like everyone else. She can kiss my ass and go to hell!

[The son blushes and looks embarrassed.]

CMU Textbook Store. Mid-Afternoon.
Two 40-something women — one white, the other black — are shopping for office supplies:

White Lady: Do you have any more of these eight-tab dividers?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any more of the colored ones, but we have the plain white ones.
White Lady: No, she wouldn’t like that at all. She’d be so mad if we mixed the colored ones and white ones.
[...]
White Lady: [turns to black co-worker] No offense…

Sociology of Family, Frick Arts Lecture Hall, Pitt:

Professor: Think about it: You’re all bisexual. Now before you go home telling your parents your professor said Jesus was a homosexual and you’re bisexual think about this: Men have nipples!
— Overheard by Elyse

Outside Subway, Center Ave, Shadyside:

College Girl: [pointing at pastrami sub picture in the window] That’s what you’re getting.
Boyfriend: What? Why do you say that?
College Girl: Because you’re totally gay for pastrami.
Boyfriend: I’m gay for a lot of things.

Lower-Level Math Class, Doherty Hall, CMU campus:

Professor: Come on, even the Pitt kids would get this one.

— Overheard by egg

Bru Lounge, North Shore. 9:30 Saturday Night.
A group of late-20s beer-and-wing guys are out with their girlfriends:

White Girl: Have you met his parents yet?
Indian Girl: Yeah. He introduced me as his “Durka Durka” — you know, like terrorists? And now that’s what his parents call me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but we mean it in a funny way. And I mean, you did sign my Dad’s birthday card “Durka” afterward.
Indian Girl: [giggling] It’s just so funny: Like how typical white boy from Ohio can you get? And dating a foreigner!
Boyfriend: Oh, c’mon. I’ll make it up you. I’ll like… hug you… or open your car door or something.
Indian Girl: Yeah, he did offer to mail my dad a bag of Lay’s potato chips.

Fifth Ave Near Tower C, Oakland:
College Guy and College Girl are walking, his arm around her. A Drunk Black Man walks up to them:

Drunk Man: You better hold onto her.
College Guy: I will.
Drunk Man: I ain’t never had a white woman. I’ve had my kind, but no Chinese, neither. You better hang onto her.
College Guy: Yessir.

University Center, Carnegie Mellon.
A few people talk in a group near the revolving door:

Asian Guy: [to Blonde Girl] Can I be your girlfriend?
Blonde Girl: Are you Jewish?
Asian Guy: Mmhmm.
Blonde Girl: Then yes, you can!
— Overheard by Connor 

Frazier Street, South Oakland. Friday Evening.
A bunch on would-be gangstas are gathered on a porch:

Thug #1: Shit, I cracked that bitch like a goddamn safe!