Overheard in Pittsburgh

Make-Up Section, Target, Waterfront:

Young Black Woman: [to herself] I need to get out of this place. I have had it with the Waterfront. First I’m gonna fucking eat, then I’m gonna catch the bus. I need to get out of this place.

— Overheard by just trying to shop

Petco, Waterworks.
A man is retrieving his newly engraved pet ID tag from the machine:

Seven-Year-Old Boy: Ooh, look, they have a Spongebob tag!
Mother: Oh, you didn’t get Spongebob! You should have gotten Spongebob!
Man: No, my dogs like the other shows.

Health and Wellness Section, Sam’s Club, Robinson.
A large 40-something woman holding a twin-pack of tampons stops pushing her buggy and turns to her pre-teen son:

Woman: SO WHAT? I’m allowed to shop here. I paid $40 for my membership like everyone else. She can kiss my ass and go to hell!

[The son blushes and looks embarrassed.]

CMU Textbook Store. Mid-Afternoon.
Two 40-something women — one white, the other black — are shopping for office supplies:

White Lady: Do you have any more of these eight-tab dividers?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any more of the colored ones, but we have the plain white ones.
White Lady: No, she wouldn’t like that at all. She’d be so mad if we mixed the colored ones and white ones.
[...]
White Lady: [turns to black co-worker] No offense…

Eddie’s Cafe, Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus.
Two College Guys are waiting in the check-out line:

Guy #1: What are those birds that fucking talk?
Guy #2: Parrots?
Guy #1: No, that’s what my teacher said. [thinks] Ravens! That’s right.
Guy #2: Ravens talk? That’s like Edgar Allen Poe shit or something.
Guy #1: No, dude, they for real only say, like, one word ,though.

[...]

Guy #2: [imitating a raven] “Aquafina!?”
Guy #1: Yeah, dude! “Aquafina!” Only I’d make mine say, “Radiator.”

— Overheard by Joshua

61C Inbound, Squirrel Hill. Morning.

Woman #1: Where’d you buy that [body glitter]?
Woman #2: Oh, I got this from a nudie bar — I mean that adult bookstore in Monroeville. Pretty much anywhere that sells dildoes sells body glitter.

— Overheard by mp

Carnegie Mellon Bookstore, CMU Campus. Afternoon.
A stoner walks up to the counter to make his purchase. The salesperson is wearing a button that says “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!”:

Stoner: Hey, is today really your birthday?
Salesperson: No, I just found this button on the counter.
Stoner: Well then, FUCK YOU! You dirty liar!
Salesperson: Um, OK. Thanks.

Target, McKnight Road, North Hills.
A young husband and wife are with their three children, two boys about four or five years old and a little girl about six. The boys are each holding a small, colorful plastic handbag, meant to carry a child’s lunch:

Boy #1: Are these bags or purses?
Girl: Purses.
Boy #1: [ecstatic] Look at our purses!
Dad: Ahhh, I don’t know if…
Boy #1: We’re gonna get purses!  Look at our pretty purses! 

[The family walks away, Boy #1 skipping and swinging his purse.]
— Overheard by VertigoXpress

House Party Full of 25-30-Year-Olds, Shadyside.
A blonde girl pulls her black winter coat with fake fur trim around the
hood from the coat pile:

Blonde Girl: [after considering her coat, turns to two random girls] I think my coat is made of dogs; no animal looks like this.

[The girls stare blankly as the blonde girl walks away.]

— Overheard by teri

* Not kidding.

Starbucks, Sewickley. Sunday morning.
A 50-something husband and wife sit next to each other, reading newspapers:

Wife: Oh, look: K-Mart’s having a baby sale.
Husband: What kind of baby are you looking to buy?
Wife: Oh, you know, whatever’s on clearance.

— Overheard by Darwin Police