Overheard in Pittsburgh

Ross Park Mall, Ross Township.
Two Elderly Women wait for the ACCESS bus:

Elderly Woman #1: I do not like Macy*s. Their prices are too high. Then they are putting a Nordstroms in over there. That is not for me. That is for “Angena Jolie” and “Britney Spears”. Not me.
Elderly Woman #2: Ah huh.
Elderly Woman #1: The most I ever spent for a purse was $60. I would never spend $500 for a purse. But, if I did, I would put a big tag on it saying, “I paid $500 for this purse,” so everyone could see how much I spent on it.
Elderly Woman #2: Oh.
Elderly Woman #1: Why did they put shrubs out there? Who the hell wants to come to a mall to see shrubs?
Elderly Woman #2: Ah huh.

Craig Street, Oakland. Late on a Very Cold Night.
An elderly couple is walking, holding hands:

Old Man: It sure is chilly.
Old Woman: Well aren’t you Captain Obvious?!
Old Man: And that makes you the wife of an officer in the Obvious Army, now doesn’t it?
Old woman: Semper Fi.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Library, Art Institute, 9 a.m.
While most students attend their morning classes, an Interior Design Girl talks to another while trimming a project at a cutting board:

Interior Design Girl #1: I heard it’s supposed to get so cold out tomorrow. I thought it would stay warm out, like, all winter.
Interior Design Girl #2: Well, tomorrow is, like, January 1st, I think.

— Overheard by Trapped in an Art School, Please Send Help

Riverfront Park by Carnegie Science Center, North Shore:

Girl: DON’T FALL INTO THE RIVER! YOU’LL GET HEPATITIS B!
Guy: I HAVE THAT!
Girl: I KNOW!

— Overheard by jaye

East Room, Phipps Conservatory, Oakland.
A 50-something grandfather tries to interest his five-year-old granddaughter in an insect display:

Grandfather: Are you an aphid? Let’s see.
[Reads display] “Aphids are generally small,” — yep — “slow-moving, ” — yep — “soft-bodied, ” — yep — “and pear-shaped.”
[Puts his hand on her stomach] Well, you’re not pear-shaped yet.