Overheard in Pittsburgh

Botany Lab, Carnegie Museum of Natural History, Oakland.
Preschool-aged children are taking part in a behind-the-scenes class:

Botanist: So what did everyone have for breakfast this morning? I bet most of you ate some plants for breakfast this morning.
Little Boy: I had waffles!
Botanist: And those are made from wheat, which is a plant.
Red-Haired Girl in a Fancy Pink Dress: I didn’t eat plants.
Botanist: Well, what did you eat this morning?
Red-Haired Girl: Cheerios and a banana.
Botanist: [cheerful, supportive tone] And Cheerios are made from grains, which grow on plants. And bananas are plants too.
Red-Haired Girl: [stamping her patent leather shoes] I DON’T EAT PLANTS!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: Shhh, now honey, yes you do.
Botanist: And how about what we’re all wearing? Lots of our clothes are made from cotton, which grows on a plant! And without plants, you wouldn’t have been able to drive here to see me today because tires have rubber in them, and rubber comes from the rubber tree whi—
Red-Haired Girl: I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: OK, that’s enough. [She grabs her daughter by the hand and
leads her out.]

Forbes Avenue, Oakland:

Guy: [to girl] I guess its sad that since I’m poor, nachos have become part of my monthly cycle.

Sociology of Family, Frick Arts Lecture Hall, Pitt:

Professor: Think about it: You’re all bisexual. Now before you go home telling your parents your professor said Jesus was a homosexual and you’re bisexual think about this: Men have nipples!
— Overheard by Elyse

Giant Eagle Shopping Center, South side.
A man and a woman are walking with their little girl, who is crying:

Mom: [to little girl] You’re fine! You just tripped!
Dad: [to little girl]  You spent all day at the Science Center and you didn’t care at all about gravity. Gravity does serious stuff to you when you fall down. It fucks you up!

— Overheard by cate!

Engineering and Science Library, Carnegie Mellon University.
A male librarian walks in covered in snow:

Male Librarian: We should turn off the lights and be done with this stupid city.

Mon Incline, Mount Washington:

Young Man #1: I thought there were three rivers in Pittsburgh; I only see two.
Young Man #2: No, the third river is about a mile or two away.
Young Man #1: OK, yeah, that makes sense. That’s probably how they got the name for that old stadium.

Outside the Cathedral of Learning, Pitt Campus.
An expensively dressed college girl in enormous high-heeled boots talks loudly on her cell phone:

Fancy Girl: [extremely concerned] I swear, every time I wear high heels, my teeth hurt. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.

— Overheard by Tom VanBuren

DEP Regional Office Building, Liberty Ave, Downtown.
Two warmly dressed employees are standing in front of the windows. Outside, A man in khaki shorts walks by:

Man: That man has shorts on, and it’s cold out!
Woman: He must have gone to Duquesne.

— Overheard by vivie

Bus Stop outside Magee Women’s Hospital:

Pregnant Girl on Cell Phone: Ma? Yeah, guess what it is.
—Yeah. Now guess what the other one is.
—Yeah; it’s twins.
—Oh, I just turned around and started beating the crap out of him.
—He was all like, to the nurse, “Make her stop!” and she’s like, “Why? It’s your fault.”

Confidential to Maimed in Magee: Only the mother has any influence on the likelihood of fraternal twins, and the occurrence of identical twins is random. Tell your lady this next time she tries to guilt you into going out for groceries at 3 a.m.

Outside the William Pitt Union, Pitt Campus. A very chilly day.
A College Girl in flip-flops, jeans, and a teeshirt talks on her cell phone.

College Girl: I am SO cold right now!

— Overheard by Katrina