Life in the Iron City
{ Category Archives }
Southside Works, South Side. Thursday night.
Five teenagers in costumes stand together, following the sneak preview of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:
Boy in Cape: Dumbledore is so punk rock.
[Everyone nods in agreement.]
Crowded Shuttle from the Gulf Tower to the Boardwalk Parking Lot in the Strip:
30-Something Woman #1: Yeah, so my sister set me up with this guy, and we’ve been dating for awhile, and he’s totally great, but he just told me last week that he doesn’t want to have kids.
30-Something Woman #2: Oh my god! That’s terrible. I know how much you want to have kids.
Woman #1: Yeah, and the weird thing is that when my sister set us up, she told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she didn’t want to have kids.
Woman #2: That’s so weird.
Woman #1: Well I think I taught him a lesson: The other night we were going to see a movie, and he called and suggested that we go see Shrek the Third or Ocean’s 13 because he knew that I really wanted to see those. I knew that he hadn’t seen the first two Shreks or Ocean’s 11 or 12 though, so I suggested that we go see Pirates of the Carribean 3 instead because I knew he really wanted to see that. I hadn’t seen the first two Pirates movies, but a girl at work told me you don’t have to see the first two to enjoy the third. So we went to see Pirates 3, and afterward, he said to me, “Thank you so much for going to see Pirates. I really wanted to see it, and I know that you didn’t see the first two.” So I said, “Well, you know, realationships are about compromise, on big and small things.”
So now I think he might think a little bit more about having kids.
— Overheard by Ben
The Holiday, Forbes Ave., Oakland:
Bartender: Last call, motherfuckers! NOW DANCE!
[Madonna's "Ray of Light" starts to play.]
Chorus of Drunk LGBT People: FUCK YEAH!
[Warbling sing-a-long ensues.]
Office, South Side:
Mindless Receptionist: Then what happened?
Soul-Sucking Intern: I woke up and there was something in my mouth.
— Overheard by Sah Side Struggle
Carnegie Library, East Liberty.
An old man with shoe-polish-black hair is standing at a copier and crooning.
Old Man: [stops singing] Oops, can’t sing, it’s a library. [Sings a little more] I bet you think I’m singin’ `cause I’m happy, but I’m not. I’m singin’ `cause I’m half-broke and crazy.
— Overheard by coreyw
Petco, Waterworks.
A man is retrieving his newly engraved pet ID tag from the machine:
Seven-Year-Old Boy: Ooh, look, they have a Spongebob tag!
Mother: Oh, you didn’t get Spongebob! You should have gotten Spongebob!
Man: No, my dogs like the other shows.
6th Floor Animation Lab, Art Institute:
Male Art Student: I need my blue pencil. I draw better with my blue pencil. It’s sexy.
— Overheard by Rotzi
Eddie’s Cafe, Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus.
Two College Guys are waiting in the check-out line:
Guy #1: What are those birds that fucking talk?
Guy #2: Parrots?
Guy #1: No, that’s what my teacher said. [thinks] Ravens! That’s right.
Guy #2: Ravens talk? That’s like Edgar Allen Poe shit or something.
Guy #1: No, dude, they for real only say, like, one word ,though.
[...]
Guy #2: [imitating a raven] “Aquafina!?”
Guy #1: Yeah, dude! “Aquafina!” Only I’d make mine say, “Radiator.”
— Overheard by Joshua
Bus Stop, Forbes / Bigelow, Oakland:
A 20-something Asian girl with a cello case taller than she is strapped to her back approaches the driver of a stopped bus:
Cello Girl: Does this bus go to Heinz Hall?
Bus Driver: There is only one way to get to Heinz Hall. Practice, practice, practice.
Cello Girl: Which bus is that?
— Overheard by BiggAndyy
Docherty Talent Agency, Downtown.
A CoolDude™ actor is casually bragging to other auditioners about living in Los Angeles:
Actor: Yeah, it’s tough living out there, man. You gotta be a real self-advocate, a real self-promoter, you know? And you gotta surround yourself with smart people who know what they’re doing. They’re going to use you, but they’ll be honest with you. Everyone uses you out there, but at least you’ll know.
— Overheard by Beach Head