Overheard in Pittsburgh

41D Inbound.
A yinzer in casual business attire is sitting, spread out, in the back of the bus, speaking to a 20-something woman, also in casual business attire:

Yinzer: Do they have a Starbucks in Station Square?
[Woman shakes her head.]
Yinzer: Why not?
Woman: Well, Station Square is surrounded by a lot of busy streets, so the backup in traffic it would cause is probably a problem. And there are a lot of Starbucks downtown, so they probably don’t need one in Station Square.
Yinzer: Tell you what: If I hit the lottery, that’s what I’d open!

— Overheard by ecto

Cash Register, Ritters, Bloomfield:

Customer: [being silly] Are these toothpicks free?
Waitress: Yeah, right. Nothing in this place is free. [thinks for a moment] The air, maybe. You’d be lucky to get that free.

Carnegie Library, East Liberty.

An old man with shoe-polish-black hair is standing at a copier and crooning.

Old Man: [stops singing] Oops, can’t sing, it’s a library. [Sings a little more] I bet you think I’m singin’ `cause I’m happy, but I’m not. I’m singin’ `cause I’m half-broke and crazy.

— Overheard by coreyw

71A Inbound. 10 a.m.:

Loud Woman on Cell Phone: Oh, wait, it’s not Duquesne Light.
—Well, I can’t say it, but it’s spelled D-U-Q-U-E-S-N-E.
—Ohhh!

86B Outbound. Late Afternoon:

Young Woman #1: [holding young boy] I took my son to be vaccinated today, but it ended up taking all day.
Young Woman #2: Really? Why’d it take the whole day?
Young Woman #1: I couldn’t remember how to spell his name, so I had to go back home to get his birth certificate.

Health and Wellness Section, Sam’s Club, Robinson.
A large 40-something woman holding a twin-pack of tampons stops pushing her buggy and turns to her pre-teen son:

Woman: SO WHAT? I’m allowed to shop here. I paid $40 for my membership like everyone else. She can kiss my ass and go to hell!

[The son blushes and looks embarrassed.]

Hamburg Hall, CMU:

CMU Student #1: She’s such a great friend!
CMU Student #2: Yeah, well, she thinks she is. Sometimes I just feel like she’s trying to bribe me.
CMU Student #1: Yeah, but do you know she got me for my birthday?

— Overheard by Iceberg

Wendy’s, Waterworks Mall. Sunday Afternoon.
A loud woman approaches the counter with her grandson and sets down an empty cup:

Loud Woman: This spilled.
[Employee takes the cup to refill it]
Loud Woman: And what is up with these hamburgers? It’s about as thick as a slice of ham. It’s supposed to be a deluxe.
Employee: It’s a junior.
Loud Woman: Two ounces of beef. Two ounces. What’s it come to? An eighth of an ounce. [Employee ignores her and her grandson wanders away] We’d have been better off going to McDonalds and getting a double cheeseburger for 99 cents.
— Overheard by M.B.

The Fast Food Connoisseur

Intro to Economics Class, Cathedral of Learning:

Econ Professor: So how would you then find the area of the rectangular?
Student: Length times width.
Econ Professor: No. For the rectangular, it’s one half times length times width.
Student: Isn’t that a triangle?
Econ Professor: Yes. So now that we have this area…

Southwest Airlines Flight from Pittsburgh to Las Vegas:

Flight Attendant: Disabling a smoke detector will result in a two-thousand-dollar fine, and if you had two thousand dollars, you’d be flying on American.

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting