Overheard in Pittsburgh

Ellis School, Shadyside:

Teacher: You know what the best thing is about having a baby? These boobs are huge.
Student: So much for the joys of motherhood, huh?

— Overheard by Shoppy

Escalator, Barnes and Noble, Squirrel Hill. Sunday afternoon.

College Nerdy Chick: [to two friends] So his wife went to Europe, and while she was away… He got their baby a vasectomy!
Friends: No way!

— Overheard by vin

Loews Cineplex, Waterfront. Evening.
Both Eragon and The Pursuit of Happyness showing in preview screenings in adjacent theaters, and people are becoming confused about which one they need. A man wanders into the theater for the Eragon screening and then bumps around, lost:

Woman: Are you looking for Happyness?
Man: I gave up looking for happiness years ago. Now I’m just trying to find my friends.

— Overheard by Rob of UnSpace

Craig Street, Oakland:

Woman on Cell: Thanks so much for saving my parents’ marrige, Steve.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Giant Eagle Marketplace, Shadyside:

Haggard Late-20s Guy: Hey, you know that chick I always thought was hot in college?
Cool Dude: Yeah?
Haggard Late-20s Guy: Well, I just saw her here. She looks like she’s gained weight, so she might actually be in my class now.
Cool Dude: Do it up, man.

— Overheard by the Olympic Park Bomber

Bell Street Station, West Busway, Carnegie:

Fat Guy to Friend: Well, shoo-fly pie is what I grew up with, so we’re definitely getting at least two: one for me, and one for me to share with you.

— Overheard by M. Davies

UPMC Admitting Room, Magee-Womens Hospital, Oakland.
Four Overweight Yinzers discuss names:

Young Yinzer Man: — Or Benjamin…
Young Yinzer Woman: That’d be a good name.
Old Yinzer Man: A good Steelers name!
Young Yinzer Man: Oh, like Roethlisberger!
Old Yinzer Woman: Or Jerome…
[Everyone stares at her silently.]
Old Yinzer Woman: …His middle name could be Bettis…
…
…Nickname him “The Bus”…
[Everyone continues to stare blankly.]

— Overheard by Ted Cook