Jokes

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Fri 9 Feb 2007

Terminal illnesses are so sexy.

Posted by Chris Griswold under Attraction, Love & Sex, Death, Dumb Girls, Health: Physical & Mental, Jokes, Pitt
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Pitt Shuttle. Friday Afternoon:

Ditzy Freshman Girl: Omigod, that would be such a good pick-up line: “Hey, I’m dying in two days, wanna have some fun?”
— Overheard by Bethany

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Tue 6 Feb 2007

Nurse Karen finally had her chance to prove herself as a cornerman.

Posted by Chris Griswold under @ Hospital, Attraction, Love & Sex, Children, Parents & Grandparents, Dumb Girls, Health: Physical & Mental, Intelligence, Jokes, Nature, Oakland, Violence
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Bus Stop outside Magee Women’s Hospital:

Pregnant Girl on Cell Phone: Ma? Yeah, guess what it is.
—Yeah. Now guess what the other one is.
—Yeah; it’s twins.
—Oh, I just turned around and started beating the crap out of him.
—He was all like, to the nurse, “Make her stop!” and she’s like, “Why? It’s your fault.”

Confidential to Maimed in Magee: Only the mother has any influence on the likelihood of fraternal twins, and the occurrence of identical twins is random. Tell your lady this next time she tries to guilt you into going out for groceries at 3 a.m.

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Mon 29 Jan 2007

Vaudeville: Alive and Well

Posted by Chris Griswold under Awkward, Customer Service, Food & Drink, Jokes, Shadyside, Shopping
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Fish Counter, Giant Eagle Market District, Center Ave:

Middle-Aged Woman: So, I can just bake those and they’re ready, right?
Fishmonger: Yep, at nine hundred fifty degrees for four days.
Middle-Aged Woman: Riiiight.
[...]
Fishmonger: So what’re you gonna tell your guests you’re making?
Middle-Aged Woman: Reservations!  Ha!

— Overheard by Kevin

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Thu 22 Sep 2005

One day, the technicians and the government would know Ronald’s chemical fury.

Posted by Chris Griswold under Beliefs, Credos & Theories, Education, Jokes, Pitt, Politics, Technology
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Organic Chemistry Class, Chevron Hall, Pitt Campus:

Bow-Tied Professor, struggling to align a projector : So it looks like our technicians “fixed” the projection system again. We’re going to have to live with it being slightly dimmer and farther to the right.
[...]
Kind of like the United States.

— Overheard by MichaelD

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