Overheard in Pittsburgh

59U Inbound, Waterfront.
Two CMU students sit across the aisle from each other. One listens to Korean Korean rock on his iPod while the other flips through receipts:

iPod Guy: Timor.
[...]
—TIMOR! I gotta stop at Target.
Timor: No! Fuck no! No no fuck no! No no no fuck no!
iPod Guy: I need to get a lightbulb!
Timor: Fuck that! I’m fucking freezing!

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Office Building, Baum Boulevard, Bloomfield:

Co-Worker: Oh, yeah, we’re going to the Cricket to get Christmas lap dances.

— Overheard by Wendy D.

Thanksgiving Party, Squirel Hill.
Five guests play Scrabble™ while the turkey finishes roasting. Guest #1 puts a four letter word onto the board:

Guest #2: Take that back.
Guest #3: I think he can play it; it’s certainly a real word.
Hostess: What’s all the fuss?
Guest #2: He just played “jews” for 20 points with a double-word score.

—Overheard by The Connor

Lending Desk, Hillman Library, Pitt Campus:

College Chick: I’m gonna have a turkey sandwich and a glass of vodka.

— Overheard by TLB

Evaline Halloween Party, Friendship:

Guy in Black Jumpsuit: I’m really sorry. We’re packed right now, and we can’t let anyone else in.
Girl in Heavy Coat: But I’m an electrical engineer– [Opens coat to reveal costume] –dressed as a sexy nurse.
Guy in Black Jumpsuit: Hold on. Stay right here for a minute. [Leaves and returns with admission bracelets]

Howley St., Bloomfield. Halloween night.
A woman dressed as a Witch hands candy out to a group of children at her door, including a little girl in a bathrobe, messy makeup, and curlers:

Witch: What are you dressed as?
Little Girl: “Depression.”

54C, Craig Street, Oakland:

Girl on cell phone: —I understand. No, I understand. I’m trying to talk to her, but I’m not on vampire time.

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

Post Office, Millvale.
There is a small line at the end of the day, and two postal workers behind the counter. An older (50-60) woman, large and hunched over, walks up to the counter with a huge pile of Christmas cards:

Woman: I’m going to need 50 Christmas stamps.
Postal Worker: OK… [opens drawer] Do you want “Christmas Cookies” or“Madonna and Child”?
Woman: [Loudly, and sounding slightly offended] Oh! OH! “Madonna and Child”, PLEASE.

[Awkward pause in the post office]

Woman: If I so much as LOOK at a Christmas cookie, I gain 10 pounds.

— Overheard by Etzel

Christmas section, Target, Waterfront:

Middle-Aged Yinzer Guy: Tinkerbell?! NOW you’re talking about someone I wanna hear about!

— Submitted by foods

Eat ‘n’ Park, Squirrel Hill:

Girl #1: I don’t feel so good.
Girl #2: Drink some Gatorade; it has electric lights in it.

— Overheard by DangerCat