Holidays

Thu 12 Apr 2007

You Make the Call: Novum Guinea Pigs or Duquesne Pharmacy Students?

Starbucks, Duquesne University.
Two female college students are standing near the windows:
College Girl #1: My eye is really itchy all of a sudden. I hope I’m not getting pink eye.
College Girl #2: Happy New Years!
College Girl #1: What?!
College Girl #2: Oh my God. My brain isn’t working anymore. I need a break.

— Overheard by Student Extraordinaire

Tue 3 Apr 2007

The text messages of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Outside Bathroom Door, Barry’s Pub, Carson St., South Side. St. Patrick’s Day.
A 20-Something Man who is dressed entirely in in green with leprechaun hat is talking on the cell phone:

Green Guy on Cell: No, dude: I’m at Barry’s. No, you have to come down. Yeah, I’ve been telling everyone you’re dead.

— Overheard by I Can’t Believe Shawn Michaels Tapped Out

Mon 2 Apr 2007

Belinda was becoming increasingly concerned with what her son was doing with his palms.

Liberty-Smithfield Garage, Downtown. Palm Sunday Morning.
Two boys, fresh out of Palm Sunday services with Palm branches, swat one another with the palms:

Mother: Young men, those are not swords!
Boy #1: Swords!
Boy #2: We’re not men! We’re women!

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Tue 27 Mar 2007

“A little bird told me. A little bird named Jesus Christ. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?”

Bruegger’s Bagels, Moon Township A middle-aged Catholic lady approaches the bagel counter. The man in front of her in line is a priest, complete with Roman collar.

Lady: Do you have anything meatless?
Bagel Maker: You mean like bagels?

[The lady orders a breakfast sandwich.]

Lady: Wait… I don’t know if I want the egg. Are eggs OK for Lent?
Bagel Maker: I really don’t know. Probably?
Priest: Excuse me. It’s a matter of debate, but I think they’re fine.
Lady: Are you sure? How do you know?

— Overheard by Darwin Police

Thu 4 Jan 2007

Don’t forget the crime, racist cops, and White House Press Secretary Tony Snow.

Delta Airlines Flight, Cincinnati to Pittsburgh.
The passengers have endured overbookings, delays, and multiple gate changes:

Middle-aged Yinzer Woman: I used to hate Cincinnati because of their football team. Now I really hate Cincinnati!

Tue 26 Dec 2006

Slovaklava

Milton Hall, CCAC, North Side:

Girl #1: My mom makes so much food for Christmas Eve.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. I can’t wait. My mom makes baklava.
Girl #1: Ohhhh! I love that.
Girl #2: Yeah, my mom makes it with that real oily fish.
Girl #1: [disgusted] What?
Girl #2: You know; she uses that real oily fish to make her baklava.
Girl #1: Are you serious? That’s fucking disgusting!
Girl #2: [shrugging] Well, what can I say? We’re Slovak!

— Overheard by Michael Dittman

Tue 26 Dec 2006

“The best part is when Scrooge eats a Power Pellet and chomps Clyde, the Ghost of Christmas Present.”

Carnegie Library, Oakland.
One Janitor tells another the plot of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol:

Janitor #1: The first ghost was named “Pinkie”, and he beat the crap out of death.
Janitor #2: Aaah…

Wed 20 Dec 2006

Can’t Churn Butter on the Sabbath

Ross Park Mall, McKnight Road. 8 p.m.
A middle aged couple walk by a group of well-dressed Orthodox Jewish teenagers having a lively conversation near an escalator:

Middle-Aged Woman: I find it odd to see such a large group of Amish boys in the mall tonight.

— Overheard by Joe

Mon 18 Dec 2006

“Regardless, he’s getting the sweater I bought him.”

Litchfield Towers Lobby, Pitt Campus:

Blonde Girl on Cell Phone: And he said all he wanted for Christmas was for a specialist to see what’s wrong with him!

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Mon 18 Dec 2006

Remember: Christmas is for Christians ONLY.

Litchfield Tower A, Pitt Campus.
A Student walks down the dorm hallway, whistling “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”:

Voice from Open Door: Lionel! Jewish!
[Student abruptly stops whistling.]

Overheard in Pittsburgh