Overheard in Pittsburgh

Bryce Jordan Center, Penn State University. After the Schenley-Chester PIAA AAAA Championship Basketball Game.
A pair of black teenage girls dressed in the Schenley red and black pass a small group of dejected Chester fans in black and orange:

Girl #1: Take them Halloween colors back to Chester! , nigga! BOO!!— Overheard by get ‘em, spartans!

Intro to Psychology Class, David Lawrence Hall, Pitt.
The professor asks for a volunteer to see if strangers can estimate someone’s personality based on their appearance. A 6′5″, 270-pound football player steps to the front:

Professor: So, what do you think this guy is like?
Student: He’s outgoing?
Professor: Are you outgoing?
Football Player: [unenthusiastically] Yeh.
[Discussion continues…]
Voice from the Back: He likes cake?
Professor: Um… do you like cake?
Football Player: Yeh.

Lobby, Lothrop Hall, Pitt Campus.
Two Black Girls in parkas and tight jeans are discussing a friend:

Girl #1: And you know what she did!?
Girl #2: No, what?
Girl #1: She threw a bucket of ice water in his car!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, and she got two years in jail for it!

[Both sign in and resume the conversation in the elevator:]

Girl #2: Two years in jail?
Girl #1: Yeah. Two years in jail! THE GOVERNMENT IS NAH CH’YOUR FRIEND!
Girl #2: I knew’d it.

[Both laugh hysterically for the next 4 floors.]

— Overheard by Joshua Demaree

Kings Family Restaurant, Waterworks. 2 a.m. Friday Night.
A large group of college-aged kids are sitting together in the worst Kings restaurant ever*:

Supercool: We were like, “Andy, you didn’t snort the whole line.” So he’s like, *unh* [shrugs and mimes snorting a line]. And he snorts the rest of the line.
[The table erupts with laughter.]
Supercool: Then he runs to the bathroom, and when he comes out, he has a Kleenex™, and there’s little bits of cinnamon in it.
And he says, “I can’t believe I just snorted all the cinnamon!”

* Overheard in Pittsburgh Rant: Seriously, though, I have eaten there several times late at night, and I usually split the hour it takes for my food to arrive between doing the waitress’ job for her and wondering how soon it will be until I get to be assaulted by the physically and verbally aggressive Cro-Mag yinzers in the smoking section. I implore you: Avoid this place after dark; it’s scarier than the Original Hot Dog Shoppe. You might get shot at the O, but at least your food’s hot. Thank you for your time.

Outside Dave and Andy’s, Atwood Street, Oakland.
A group of drunken college guys stumble into two girls late Friday night:

Drunk Guy #1: Hey. Hey, you. Tell that girl to give Eddie Van Halen his jacket back.
College Chicks: What girl?
Drunk Guy #1: That girl over there.
[Drunk Guy #1 points at two girls across the street, neither of whom is wearing a jacket. College Chicks laugh it off, and as they are walking around the corner, they hear:]

Drunk Guy #1: HEY, I’M ONLY TELLING YOU ONE TIME: GIVE IT BACK!

— Overheard by Steph

64A Outbound, Shady Avenue.
Driver starts barking and chittering like a squirrel out his side window:

Driver: I have to have fun with this job. If you can’t have fun doing your job, then don’t do it.

— Overheard by libcat