Overheard in Pittsburgh

Food Pavilion, Three Rivers Arts Festival, Downtown.
Two gay men looking at Italian sausages make eyes at each other and smile:

Gay Man #1: They look gooooood .

Gay Man #2: They look like santorum makers.

Eddie’s Cafe, Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus.
Two College Guys are waiting in the check-out line:

Guy #1: What are those birds that fucking talk?
Guy #2: Parrots?
Guy #1: No, that’s what my teacher said. [thinks] Ravens! That’s right.
Guy #2: Ravens talk? That’s like Edgar Allen Poe shit or something.
Guy #1: No, dude, they for real only say, like, one word ,though.

[...]

Guy #2: [imitating a raven] “Aquafina!?”
Guy #1: Yeah, dude! “Aquafina!” Only I’d make mine say, “Radiator.”

— Overheard by Joshua

Bus Stop, Forbes / Bigelow, Oakland:
A 20-something Asian girl with a cello case taller than she is strapped to her back approaches the driver of a stopped bus:

Cello Girl: Does this bus go to Heinz Hall?
Bus Driver: There is only one way to get to Heinz Hall.  Practice, practice, practice.
Cello Girl: Which bus is that?

— Overheard by BiggAndyy

Benedum Theater. Late in the interminable second act of Light in the Piazza:

Woman in the Second Tier: JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY!
[The audience murmurs assent.]

— Overheard by zph

College of Fine Arts, CMU.
An art class has gathered in the middle of the Great Hall, spread in a circle that blocks passage. A music teacher with a Tuba noisily walks through the circle:

Art Teacher: Hey! You! Your tuba’s fucking up my circle!
Music Teacher: Yeah? Well, your circle’s fucking up my tuba.
Art Teacher: Touché.
— Overheard by Connor 

67A Outbound, Oakland.
A Little Boy in a Steelers Jacket stares out the window, commenting on what he sees loudly and uninteligably. At the Carnegie Mellon stop, the Walking to the Sky statue comes into view:

Little Boy: One day I’m going to buy that statue and send it back to New York!
— Overheard by Connor

61C Outbound, Oakland:
Pitt Student #1: I have this project where I want to get a portrait of Darwin and put it in my house — like, over the fireplace with a nice frame.
Pitt Student #2: Or a bust!
Pitt Student #1: Yeah, a bust of Darwin! And then I’ll get one of Mr. T and put it right next to him!

— Overheard by Zyzzy

East Room, Phipps Conservatory, Oakland.
A 50-something grandfather tries to interest his five-year-old granddaughter in an insect display:

Grandfather: Are you an aphid? Let’s see.
[Reads display] “Aphids are generally small,” — yep — “slow-moving, ” — yep — “soft-bodied, ” — yep — “and pear-shaped.”
[Puts his hand on her stomach] Well, you’re not pear-shaped yet.