Overheard in Pittsburgh

63B Outbound, in front of the US Steel Building, Downtown. Early evening.
A nearby cop is writing a ticket to a motorist:

Bus Driver: He’s from Ohio; double it!
Bus Passenger: Did you tell him to double it?
Bus Driver: Yeah, and if I knew he was from Cleveland, I’d have told him to triple it.

Outside St. Paul’s Cathedral, 5th Ave, Oakland:

Girl #1: Did you see the mayor’s funeral here a few days ago?
Girl #2: Yeah. They had horses.
Girl #1: I don’t get why they have funerals in churches. What if you got invited, but you were an atheist?
Girl #2: I don’t see the problem here.
Girl #1: Well, you know, it’d be all distracting when the atheist mourner walks in and starts melting and screaming ’cause he’s on holy ground and God doesn’t like him.
Girl #2: Like at the end of Wizard of Oz? I don’t think it works that way.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Near the Roberto Clemente Bridge, Downtown. Before the Allstar Game.
A small group of anti-sweatshop protesters march toward the game when a group of anti-abortion protesters comes into view:

Sweatshop Protester #1: Look at them!
Sweatshop Protester #2: They’ll do anything for publicity!

- Overheard by Neutral Bystander

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: One of the unborn stars of the anti-abortion signs in named “Baby Malachai”! No autographs, please!

In Front of the Criminal court Building, Forbes and Ross, Downtown:

20-Something Yinzer Chick: I’m dahntahn and not in a paddy wagon! How amazing is that?

— Overheard by Ra

84A, Oakland:

Small Child #1: Is this America?
Small Child #2: Do we celebrate Labor Day?!

— Overheard by Banke

Post Office, Millvale.
There is a small line at the end of the day, and two postal workers behind the counter. An older (50-60) woman, large and hunched over, walks up to the counter with a huge pile of Christmas cards:

Woman: I’m going to need 50 Christmas stamps.
Postal Worker: OK… [opens drawer] Do you want “Christmas Cookies” or“Madonna and Child”?
Woman: [Loudly, and sounding slightly offended] Oh! OH! “Madonna and Child”, PLEASE.

[Awkward pause in the post office]

Woman: If I so much as LOOK at a Christmas cookie, I gain 10 pounds.

— Overheard by Etzel

Mr. Smalls’ office, Millvale:

Businessman: And with that amount of money in cash, I’m going to need you to fill out a 1099 form.
Independent Contactor: A what?
Businessman: A 1099 form. For tax purposes.
Independent Contactor: [pale and nervous] No, no, I don’t do those.
Businessman: What do you mean you don’t do them? Are you in trouble with the government?
Independent Contactor: …No… Uh, well, that is, not yet…

— Overheard by Etzel