Overheard in Pittsburgh

N. Craig St., Oakland.
Two large Catholic school girls are walking slowly, taking up the entire sidewalk. A few people have lined up behind them:

Girl #1: So I left without her. I told her she was too slow.
Girl #2: Mmmmhmmm.

Principles of Economics Class, Doherty Lecture Hall, CMU.
Lottery numbers for all the students are listed on either side of the room, A to L on the left, M to Z on the right:

Student #1: [yells to student entering room] YO CORNBREAD! YOU’RE ON THE LEFT!!
Student #2: Wait. What are you talking about? His last name is Roberts.
Student #1: Oh right! I was thinking that his last name was Bread from calling him Cornbread.

Maggie Murph Cafe, Hunt Library, CMU.
Two female college students with ditzy intonation are conversing and drinking
coffee:

Student #1: I, like, totally hate the concept of piñatas. Like, “Um, here’s a little colored animal! Let’s beat it with a stick!” Like, “Here’s a little donkey with pizazz! Let’s knock the crap out of it!” You know?

Students #1 and #2: [excessive giggling]

— Overheard by ivan seismic

Hamburg Hall, CMU:

CMU Student #1: She’s such a great friend!
CMU Student #2: Yeah, well, she thinks she is. Sometimes I just feel like she’s trying to bribe me.
CMU Student #1: Yeah, but do you know she got me for my birthday?

— Overheard by Iceberg

Art Institute.
Two students discuss leaving their stuff with a friend during a break:

Guy #1: What if she has to take a piss?
[...]
Guy #2: Girls like that don’t piss at school.

— Overheard by Rotzi

Lobby, Lothrop Hall, Pitt Campus.
Two Black Girls in parkas and tight jeans are discussing a friend:

Girl #1: And you know what she did!?
Girl #2: No, what?
Girl #1: She threw a bucket of ice water in his car!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, and she got two years in jail for it!

[Both sign in and resume the conversation in the elevator:]

Girl #2: Two years in jail?
Girl #1: Yeah. Two years in jail! THE GOVERNMENT IS NAH CH’YOUR FRIEND!
Girl #2: I knew’d it.

[Both laugh hysterically for the next 4 floors.]

— Overheard by Joshua Demaree

Cinema, AMC/Loews Waterfront.
The ads are running before a movie:

Nerdy Girl: I had a friend who mixed LSD and heroin. She lived, though.
Guy Friend: All I can say to her is, “Congratulations.”
Nerdy Girl: Yeah, she didn’t remember much of her freshman year of high school.

59U Inbound. Valentine’s Day:

Guy: And every time I want to go to a party, he has to tag along.  He’s so damn clingy.
Girl: Ugh, that is my worst fear, being clingy.  That’s why I only drink when I’m at home and by myself.

Murray / Darlington, Squirrel Hill. Saturday Afternoon.
A Man and his young daughter walk, holding hands:

Woman: [honking as she passes in her giant gray SUV]: Hey Murray!
Man: Oh, hi.
Woman: How are you?
Man: Oh, good. How are you?
Woman: Good! [drives away]
Man: [to daughter] I have no idea who that was.

— Overheard by corey w.

Pet Department, Wal-Mart, North Versailles:

Guy: [to his buddy] A blowjob is not sex. Sex is sticking your dick in something tight and moving it around.

— Overheard by Eavesdropper