Overheard in Pittsburgh

Shop ‘N’ Save, Imperial:

White Guy with Afro: D’ya mind buying me some iced tea? I gave up soda for Lent.
Girl: [holding two 12-packs of pop] Uh. Sure… You’re Catholic?
White Guy: [walks off, turns around and walks backwards for a bit] Yeah. Religion happens to the best of us. [remorsefully]

Principles of Economics Class, Doherty Lecture Hall, CMU.
Lottery numbers for all the students are listed on either side of the room, A to L on the left, M to Z on the right:

Student #1: [yells to student entering room] YO CORNBREAD! YOU’RE ON THE LEFT!!
Student #2: Wait. What are you talking about? His last name is Roberts.
Student #1: Oh right! I was thinking that his last name was Bread from calling him Cornbread.

Bruegger’s Bagels, Moon Township A middle-aged Catholic lady approaches the bagel counter. The man in front of her in line is a priest, complete with Roman collar.

Lady: Do you have anything meatless?
Bagel Maker: You mean like bagels?

[The lady orders a breakfast sandwich.]

Lady: Wait… I don’t know if I want the egg. Are eggs OK for Lent?
Bagel Maker: I really don’t know. Probably?
Priest: Excuse me. It’s a matter of debate, but I think they’re fine.
Lady: Are you sure? How do you know?

— Overheard by Darwin Police

Intro to Psychology Class, David Lawrence Hall, Pitt.
The professor asks for a volunteer to see if strangers can estimate someone’s personality based on their appearance. A 6’5″, 270-pound football player steps to the front:

Professor: So, what do you think this guy is like?
Student: He’s outgoing?
Professor: Are you outgoing?
Football Player: [unenthusiastically] Yeh.
[Discussion continues...]
Voice from the Back: He likes cake?
Professor: Um… do you like cake?
Football Player: Yeh.

Make-Up Section, Target, Waterfront:

Young Black Woman: [to herself] I need to get out of this place. I have had it with the Waterfront. First I’m gonna fucking eat, then I’m gonna catch the bus. I need to get out of this place.

— Overheard by just trying to shop

Outside Subway, Center Ave, Shadyside:

College Girl: [pointing at pastrami sub picture in the window] That’s what you’re getting.
Boyfriend: What? Why do you say that?
College Girl: Because you’re totally gay for pastrami.
Boyfriend: I’m gay for a lot of things.

Crowded 61F Outbound:

Girl on Cell: So, what you want to do tonight?
—You can’t have alcoholbecause you’re on that diet, right?
—Well, how about vodka? It’s almost like water.

Nature of Language (Linguistics 101) Class, Carnegie Mellon.
The professor is attempting to show the difference between British English and American English, specifically that the British drop their Rs in certain places:

Professor: Could everyone try to be British and say this word: “Beers”.
Class: Be-as! Be-as!
Loud Girl in Back: IT’S PRONOUNCED “STOUT”!

— Overheard by Connor

Wendy’s, Waterworks Mall. Sunday Afternoon.
A loud woman approaches the counter with her grandson and sets down an empty cup:

Loud Woman: This spilled.
[Employee takes the cup to refill it]
Loud Woman: And what is up with these hamburgers? It’s about as thick as a slice of ham. It’s supposed to be a deluxe.
Employee: It’s a junior.
Loud Woman: Two ounces of beef. Two ounces. What’s it come to? An eighth of an ounce. [Employee ignores her and her grandson wanders away] We’d have been better off going to McDonalds and getting a double cheeseburger for 99 cents.
— Overheard by M.B.

The Fast Food Connoisseur

Subway, Quaker Valley Shopping Center, Leetsdale:

Middle-Aged Black Lady: [pointing at the guy behind her in line] Oh you go ahead, honey, I’ma get eight sandwiches.
Sandwich Artist: Oh yeah?  That’s a lot of food.  You having company?
Black Lady: Oh child, I got five kids and a fat husband.