Overheard in Pittsburgh

Aldi, Etna.
Two elderly women are shopping, and one is trying to reach a bag of Werther’s Original candies from a high shelf.  A younger woman walks over to help her get the bags:

Elderly Woman: Can you get me one of the bags with the red label?  Actually, make it two, no, wait, three.  My husband eats these like candy.

— Overheard by Megan

Botany Lab, Carnegie Museum of Natural History, Oakland.
Preschool-aged children are taking part in a behind-the-scenes class:

Botanist: So what did everyone have for breakfast this morning? I bet most of you ate some plants for breakfast this morning.
Little Boy: I had waffles!
Botanist: And those are made from wheat, which is a plant.
Red-Haired Girl in a Fancy Pink Dress: I didn’t eat plants.
Botanist: Well, what did you eat this morning?
Red-Haired Girl: Cheerios and a banana.
Botanist: [cheerful, supportive tone] And Cheerios are made from grains, which grow on plants. And bananas are plants too.
Red-Haired Girl: [stamping her patent leather shoes] I DON’T EAT PLANTS!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: Shhh, now honey, yes you do.
Botanist: And how about what we’re all wearing? Lots of our clothes are made from cotton, which grows on a plant! And without plants, you wouldn’t have been able to drive here to see me today because tires have rubber in them, and rubber comes from the rubber tree whi—
Red-Haired Girl: I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: OK, that’s enough. [She grabs her daughter by the hand and
leads her out.]

Wendy’s, Pleasant Hills. Morning.
One of the cooks is having trouble getting the first order of the day correct:

Female Wendy’s Employee #1: He’s not doing that right.
Female Wendy’s Employee #2: What do you expect? He worked at McDonald’s.
— Overheard by Rob of UnSpace 

Starbucks, Forbes Ave, Oakland.
Three large Christian youth groups in matching t-shirts enter, and the vast majority orders Frappuccinos. After about 20 minutes, the Lutheran group leaves:

Christian Youth Councilor: [to another] Fucking Lutherans.

Food Pavilion, Three Rivers Arts Festival, Downtown.
Two gay men looking at Italian sausages make eyes at each other and smile:

Gay Man #1: They look gooooood .

Gay Man #2: They look like santorum makers.

Forbes Avenue, Oakland:

Guy: [to girl] I guess its sad that since I’m poor, nachos have become part of my monthly cycle.

41D Inbound.
A yinzer in casual business attire is sitting, spread out, in the back of the bus, speaking to a 20-something woman, also in casual business attire:

Yinzer: Do they have a Starbucks in Station Square?
[Woman shakes her head.]
Yinzer: Why not?
Woman: Well, Station Square is surrounded by a lot of busy streets, so the backup in traffic it would cause is probably a problem. And there are a lot of Starbucks downtown, so they probably don’t need one in Station Square.
Yinzer: Tell you what: If I hit the lottery, that’s what I’d open!

— Overheard by ecto

Starbucks, Forbes/Shady, Squirrel Hill.
A barrista makes a loud, evil laugh:

Barrista #1: Wow, that was some cackle.
Barrista #2: I thought you knew: Under this apron… PURE EEEEVIL!
Barrista #3: I don’t even think that kind of cackle is in my repertoire.

— Overheard by Connor

Cash Register, Ritters, Bloomfield:

Customer: [being silly] Are these toothpicks free?
Waitress: Yeah, right. Nothing in this place is free. [thinks for a moment] The air, maybe. You’d be lucky to get that free.

Office, South Side:

Mindless Receptionist: Then what happened?
Soul-Sucking Intern: I woke up and there was something in my mouth.

— Overheard by Sah Side Struggle