Overheard in Pittsburgh

Pharmacy Counter, Rite-Aid, Forbes/Murray, Squirrel Hill. 11 p.m.
A man is purchasing Claritin-D, which requires him to scan his license to make sure he’s not making methamphetamine:

40-Something Man: [Scans license] Now you know who I am.
Pharmacist: Well, you know the rules: Just need to make sure you’re just taking this for allergies and are not making bad stuff with it.
40-Something Man: Actually, I’m making enemas with it. For my CATS.
Pharmacist: Well… that’s interesting. What do you cut that with?
40-Something Man: Straight VODKA.
Pharmacist: Suit yourself. Here’s your receipt.

— Overheard by Christopher

Pharmacy Line, Giant Eagle Marketplace, Centre Ave, Shadyside .
A seemingly confused midde-aged woman wheels her cart into line, bumping into people and shopping carts.

Employee: Hey! I haven’t seen you for a while! How have you been?
Confused Woman: Oh, fine. I got hit by a car on Friday, but otherwise great.

— Overheard by Impressed

Overcrowded Emergency Room, Presbyterian Hospital, Oakland:
A Patient has just listed his problems for a Doctor, including having a pacemaker, one kidney, and a lung infection:

Doctor: Why do you have the pacemaker?
Patient: Crack.
[...]
Doctor: When was the last time you did crack?
Patient:Today.
Doctor: [clear his throat] Do you smoke?
Patient: No, smoking is bad for you.

— Overheard by alicia

Company Christmas Party, Gateway Clipper Fleet:

Smoking Woman: You really have to watch what you eat. They put so much garbage in food these days; some of it’s really unhealthy.
— Overheard by C

Rite Aid, Atwood Ave, Oakland. Tuesday Morning:

Bubbly Middle-Aged Woman: Do you have kids?
Pharmacist: No.
Bubbly Middle-Aged Woman: That must be why you’re so nice and patient.

— Overheard by Uri

Outside Lothrop Hall, Pittsburgh Campus. Friday Night:

Freshmen Girl 1: Yeah, the hippies always have the best drugs.

— Overheard by zack UofPitt

In front of Phantom of the Attic Comics, Craig Street, Oakland:

Black Woman in Bead-Laden African Garb: Hey, is that bead store closed permanently?
Thin, Cracked-Out White Man: I’m not sure; it wouldn’t be the first store on Craig Street to not be open Mondays — like that crepe place.
Black Woman: Sir, it’s, uh, Tuesday.
White Man: Oh. Oh god.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Tutoring Lab, Library, Art Institute:

Art Student/Tutor: Half the kids in this school are like Subway™ sandwiches: They’re either toasted or not, and most the time they’re toasted.

— Overheard by Rotzi

Kings Family Restaurant, Waterworks. 2 a.m. Friday Night.
A large group of college-aged kids are sitting together in the worst Kings restaurant ever*:

Supercool: We were like, “Andy, you didn’t snort the whole line.” So he’s like, *unh* [shrugs and mimes snorting a line]. And he snorts the rest of the line.
[The table erupts with laughter.]
Supercool: Then he runs to the bathroom, and when he comes out, he has a Kleenex™, and there’s little bits of cinnamon in it.
And he says, “I can’t believe I just snorted all the cinnamon!”

* Overheard in Pittsburgh Rant: Seriously, though, I have eaten there several times late at night, and I usually split the hour it takes for my food to arrive between doing the waitress’ job for her and wondering how soon it will be until I get to be assaulted by the physically and verbally aggressive Cro-Mag yinzers in the smoking section. I implore you: Avoid this place after dark; it’s scarier than the Original Hot Dog Shoppe. You might get shot at the O, but at least your food’s hot. Thank you for your time.