Overheard in Pittsburgh

Crepes Parisienne, Shadyside.
A Hipster Guy and two hipster girls eat with the mother of one of the girls.

Hipster Guy: [talking about a new club] It was so lame. The ambiance was totally jive.

59U Inbound. Valentine’s Day:

Guy: And every time I want to go to a party, he has to tag along.  He’s so damn clingy.
Girl: Ugh, that is my worst fear, being clingy.  That’s why I only drink when I’m at home and by myself.

Frazier Street, South Oakland. Friday Evening.
A bunch on would-be gangstas are gathered on a porch:

Thug #1: Shit, I cracked that bitch like a goddamn safe!

Freddy’s Lounge, Moon Township.
The jukebox has stopped, and the bar is silent:

Guy at Jukebox: Oh yeah! AIR SUPPLY! Played LOUD!

South 14th / Carson, South Side. Saturday night.

Young Woman: [to Young Man] Oh… you want food! I thought you wanted someone to sleep with!
— Overheard by Wendy D.

Upper Floor, Arby’s, Wood Street, Downtown.
A College Girl sits alone in a booth, talking on her cell phone:

College Girl: I was totally drunk that night. I know, I’m sorry. But I have a question. After everything I did, and all those things I said… Do you still think I’m sexy?
[long silence]
—Well…I guess I can live with that.

— Overheard by Bob M. 

Carnegie Mellon Shuttle. Classes are done for the day:
Loud Girl: I made a New Year’s Resolution to stop being slutty.
Male Friend: Yeah, I heard about that.
Loud Girl: Oh my god, I’m the worst slut ever.
Male Friend: Yeah, you told me at the party.
[...]
Loud Girl: [getting off the bus] So, maybe I’ll see you again this weekend?

— Overheard by Kevin

Barry’s Pub, South Side. Saturday Night.
Two drunk 20-something Italian Stallions with big gold chains sit at the bar:
Italian Stallion: Wow, man. These texts that I send? They should be published in the New Yorker, or some shit like that!
[...]
Italian Stallion:[sadly] …Yeah…except I never finish them.
[Italian Stallion proceeds to show a woman he doesn't know an incoherent text to a girl he is trying to “let down easy.”]

— Overheard by Rachel

54C Inbound, Oakland:

Drunk Blonde #1: What street are we at, 22nd?
Drunk Blonde #2: Yeah, but what street is next?

— Overheard by Sarah E

Section 104, Heinz Field. 3rd Quarter of a Steelers Game:

Drunk Guy: How many periods are in football?
Yinzer: Well, first off, this is football, not hockey. That’s why these are the Steelers and not the Pens.
Drunk Hunter: That’s why I like baseball games: With three periods, they’re not as long as football.