Tue 3 Jul 2007
16th Street, South Side. 1 a.m.:
Drunk Guy: [to Drunk Friend] My motto is “If you can make her scream like every animal in the zoo, she’s yours.”
Drinking, Drunks & Bars
Archived Posts from this Category
Mon 2 Jul 2007
Bar, Hemingway’s, Oakland.
College Guy: [between sips of beer, to College Girl] When I get really old, I know I’ll be wearing pants up to, like, my waist.
Mon 2 Jul 2007
Brillobox, Bloomfield:
Drunk Man: McKees Rocks… It’s economically depressed.
Girl: Yeah, and emotionally depressed too.
Drunk Man: [excitedly: Yeah! You know it! [less excitedly] You’re Jewish, aren’t you?
Girl: How can you tell?
Drunk Man: Your demeanor. My ex-girlfriend was Jewish. Sometimes I miss her.
Mon 30 Apr 2007
The Holiday, Forbes Ave., Oakland:
Bartender: Last call, motherfuckers! NOW DANCE!
[Madonna’s “Ray of Light” starts to play.]
Chorus of Drunk LGBT People: FUCK YEAH!
[Warbling sing-a-long ensues.]
Fri 6 Apr 2007
Office, South Side:
Mindless Receptionist: Then what happened?
Soul-Sucking Intern: I woke up and there was something in my mouth.
— Overheard by Sah Side Struggle
Fri 30 Mar 2007
Campus Shuttle, University of Pittsburgh. Friday night.
The shuttle is full of loud, drunken college students:
Frat Boy: FACEBOOK ‘ER ‘N SHIT!
— Overheard by MLo
Mon 19 Mar 2007
Pitt Shuttle Stop, Top of Cardiac Hill, Oakland. Friday Night.
A drunk girl descends from the shuttle:
Drunk Girl: Um… yeah, hold on… my phone is in Spanish right now.
— Overheard by MLo
Wed 7 Mar 2007
Nature of Language (Linguistics 101) Class, Carnegie Mellon.
The professor is attempting to show the difference between British English and American English, specifically that the British drop their Rs in certain places:
Professor: Could everyone try to be British and say this word: “Beers”.
Class: Be-as! Be-as!
Loud Girl in Back: IT’S PRONOUNCED “STOUT”!
— Overheard by Connor
Mon 26 Feb 2007
House Party Full of 25-30-Year-Olds, Shadyside.
A blonde girl pulls her black winter coat with fake fur trim around the
hood from the coat pile:
Blonde Girl: [after considering her coat, turns to two random girls] I think my coat is made of dogs; no animal looks like this.
[The girls stare blankly as the blonde girl walks away.]
— Overheard by teri
* Not kidding.
Wed 21 Feb 2007
Fifth Ave Near Tower C, Oakland:
College Guy and College Girl are walking, his arm around her. A Drunk Black Man walks up to them:
Drunk Man: You better hold onto her.
College Guy: I will.
Drunk Man: I ain’t never had a white woman. I’ve had my kind, but no Chinese, neither. You better hang onto her.
College Guy: Yessir.