Overheard in Pittsburgh

Pitt Shuttle. Friday Afternoon:

Ditzy Freshman Girl: Omigod, that would be such a good pick-up line: “Hey, I’m dying in two days, wanna have some fun?”
— Overheard by Bethany

Office, Downtown:

Young Junior Accountant: Dude, all the flags are at half staff because Coach retired.
Co-Worker: No, that’s because President Ford died.
Junior: Oh.

— Overheard by aurora

67F Outbound, near CVS, Wilkins Ave, Squirrel Hill

Man: That’s the house where my sister shot her husband.

[Silence.]

Carnegie Library, Oakland.
One Janitor tells another the plot of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol:

Janitor #1: The first ghost was named “Pinkie”, and he beat the crap out of death.
Janitor #2: Aaah…

54C Inbound, Oakland:

Older woman: So have you heard of any Pitt kids getting hit this year?
Bus driver: Not yet.
Older woman: Give it time.

Outside St. Paul’s Cathedral, 5th Ave, Oakland:

Girl #1: Did you see the mayor’s funeral here a few days ago?
Girl #2: Yeah. They had horses.
Girl #1: I don’t get why they have funerals in churches. What if you got invited, but you were an atheist?
Girl #2: I don’t see the problem here.
Girl #1: Well, you know, it’d be all distracting when the atheist mourner walks in and starts melting and screaming ’cause he’s on holy ground and God doesn’t like him.
Girl #2: Like at the end of Wizard of Oz? I don’t think it works that way.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Schenley Plaza, Oakland.
A man who looks like Sigmund Freud walks with his three children. The the smallest, a 3-year-old boy, lags behind.

Sigmund Freud: What’s wrong?
Three-Year-Old Boy: I’m just… stressed.
Sigmund Freud: Let’s go get some ice cream and take some deep breaths.

- Overheard by amy b.

Dunkin Donuts, Downtown, 10 a.m.:

Scruffy Guy in a Steelers Shirt: There’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!
[Manager ignores him.]
Scruffy Guy: Hey, buddy, there’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!
Manager: Please stop. I can’t hear the other customers.
Scruffy Guy: OK, right. [To himself] There’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!

— Overheard by Damage Funtrol