Overheard in Pittsburgh

Packed 61C, Squirrel Hill.
A dozen people have just shoved themselves into the last available spaces, and the bus pulls away from the curb. A middle-aged lady arrives at the bus stop late and tries to get the driver’s attention:

Passenger: Hold it, driver!… HOLD IT, DRIVER!
Driver: [dryly] Where’s she gonna sit, on my lap?

[The bus drives on.]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Jennie King Mellon Library, Chatham College.
The girl behind the desk is blatantly checking Facebook:

Blonde Patron: Excuse me, um, can I get a book?
Girl at Desk: Nope, fresh out.

[Girl at Desk turns back to Facebook and types.]

— Overheard by sexylibrarian

Carnegie Mellon Bookstore, CMU Campus. Afternoon.
A stoner walks up to the counter to make his purchase. The salesperson is wearing a button that says “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!”:

Stoner: Hey, is today really your birthday?
Salesperson: No, I just found this button on the counter.
Stoner: Well then, FUCK YOU! You dirty liar!
Salesperson: Um, OK. Thanks.

Wendy’s, Waterworks Mall. Sunday Afternoon.
A loud woman approaches the counter with her grandson and sets down an empty cup:

Loud Woman: This spilled.
[Employee takes the cup to refill it]
Loud Woman: And what is up with these hamburgers? It’s about as thick as a slice of ham. It’s supposed to be a deluxe.
Employee: It’s a junior.
Loud Woman: Two ounces of beef. Two ounces. What’s it come to? An eighth of an ounce. [Employee ignores her and her grandson wanders away] We’d have been better off going to McDonalds and getting a double cheeseburger for 99 cents.
— Overheard by M.B.

The Fast Food Connoisseur

Subway, Quaker Valley Shopping Center, Leetsdale:

Middle-Aged Black Lady: [pointing at the guy behind her in line] Oh you go ahead, honey, I’ma get eight sandwiches.
Sandwich Artist: Oh yeah?  That’s a lot of food.  You having company?
Black Lady: Oh child, I got five kids and a fat husband.

CVS, Wood St, Downtown
A flamboyant male college student and his female friend are loitering just inside the entrance:

Flamboyant Guy: Uh-uh. That cashier gave me a ‘tude.
Girl: What? Oh, because of your gift card?
Flamboyant Guy: Yeah, I was like, “Shoot, just because you’re 40 and working at CVS don’t mean ya gotta take it out on the attractive people — like me.”

Wendy’s, Bloomfield:

Manager: Hey, I need that double cheese now.
Employee: I… this one?
Manager: No, this is the bacon… did you make this twice?
Employee: I guess….
Manager: Alright, just make that other one now.
[Manager goes back to customer]
Manager: [looking back] Oh, and, do me a favor: next time someone passes you that blunt… put it back, a’ight?

— Overheard by Kevin

Southwest Airlines Flight from Pittsburgh to Las Vegas:

Flight Attendant: Disabling a smoke detector will result in a two-thousand-dollar fine, and if you had two thousand dollars, you’d be flying on American.

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Primanti Bros., Crafton.
A middle-aged regular sits at the bar, eating his lunch, a Pittsburgher Cheesesteak:

Regular: This sandwich is really good.
Waitress: Yeah, I was surprised when you ordered a sandwich; you always seem to order wings or stuff like that.
Guy: Yea I know, but I’m on a diet now.
Waitress: Oh…

— Overheard by Steve

Sharp Edge Beer Emporium, Friendship:

Waitress: Can I get you something to drink?
Older Woman: I’ll have a Coors Light — draft.
Waitress: I’m sorry, we don’t have that.
Older Woman: Then I’ll take a bottle.
Waitress: We don’t have that either.
Older Woman: You don’t have Coors Light? What’s wrong with this place?!