Overheard in Pittsburgh

Under the Bridges near 279 North, North Side.
A Just Ducky tour drives past the Warhol Museum:

Tour Guide: Alright, everybody! Get your cameras ready! This is the most exciting and amazing thing you’ll see in all of Pittsburgh: the underside of 279! Amazing!
Kid in Back: You suck!

Wendy’s, Pleasant Hills. Morning.
One of the cooks is having trouble getting the first order of the day correct:

Female Wendy’s Employee #1: He’s not doing that right.
Female Wendy’s Employee #2: What do you expect? He worked at McDonald’s.
— Overheard by Rob of UnSpace 

Office, East Liberty. Early Morning:

Clerk: Man, we have got to have the weirdest paperboy around.
Janitor: You should see the deformed midget who delivers the Wall Street Journal!

— Overheard by corey w.

National City Bank, Mt. Washington.
An extraordinarily short 30-something man is talking to bank teller and holding up a line of people:

Man: So how you been?
Teller: Oh, fine.
Man: Just fine? I saw you out last week with your boyfriend Hank.
Teller: My boyfriend’s name isn’t Hank.
Man: Oh well, he sure looks like a Hank.

Starbucks, Forbes/Shady, Squirrel Hill.
A barrista makes a loud, evil laugh:

Barrista #1: Wow, that was some cackle.
Barrista #2: I thought you knew: Under this apron… PURE EEEEVIL!
Barrista #3: I don’t even think that kind of cackle is in my repertoire.

— Overheard by Connor

Cash Register, Ritters, Bloomfield:

Customer: [being silly] Are these toothpicks free?
Waitress: Yeah, right. Nothing in this place is free. [thinks for a moment] The air, maybe. You’d be lucky to get that free.

Forbes Ave near Market Square, Downtown:

60-Something Male Flower Vendor: Hey, do you have a girlfriend?
College Guy: No.
Flower Vendor: …Do you have a boyfriend?
College Guy: Are you asking?
[…]
Flower Vendor: …No.

— Overheard by Connor 

Borders Eastside, East Liberty.

Woman: Do I need to buy things here, or can I use my library card?
Manager: Ohhhh… You’ll have to to buy anything you want to take out of the store.
Boyfriend: [points to a giant sign that says “Paperchase”] Yeah, can’t you read? That sign says “Purchase!”

— Overheard by C.

Caribou Coffee, Fortbes Ave, Oakland. Late Afternoon.
Students are scattered around the coffee shop seating, socializing and studying. Outside, a war protest is forming in front of the army recruiters office, which is in between Qdoba and Kinkos:

Barista #1: [to Barista #2] Hey! They’re protesting again!
Barista #2: Where at?
Barista #1: Outside! Come look!
[Barista #2 walks over and looks outside, pauses]
Barista #2: [confused] Why are they always protesting Kinkos?
Barista #1: [looking at the confused look on Barista #2’s face] Are you serious?
Barista #2: They’re always outside of Kinkos!
[…]
Barista #1: They’re outside the Army Recruiters office.
Barista #2: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! … Damn Kinkos.

Minutes later:

Barista #2: [marching around behind the bar] I HATE KINKOS! I HATE KINKOS! I HATE KINKOS!

— Overheard by CoffeeHouseLounge

Bus Stop, Waterfront:

Girl: Does this bus go to Squirrel Hill?
Bus Diver: Yep.
[Girl gets on bus.]
Emo Kid: Does this bus go to Squirrel Hill?
Bus Driver: No! No! No!
[Bus Driver closes door on Emo Kid and drives away quickly.]