Overheard in Pittsburgh

Saxonburg Carnival, Saxonburg:

Girl #1: My boss always calls me at home when I take a day off.
Girl #2: I’m glad my boss doesn’t call me on my day off because I’m usually, like, in court.

Bus Stop, Blvd. of the Allies / Market, Downtown:

Thirty-Something Professional Guy: [on cell phone] There’s a helicopter over Downtown; something must be up. I just farted — maybe they think there’s another natural gas leak.

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Lobby, Lothrop Hall, Pitt Campus.
Two Black Girls in parkas and tight jeans are discussing a friend:

Girl #1: And you know what she did!?
Girl #2: No, what?
Girl #1: She threw a bucket of ice water in his car!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, and she got two years in jail for it!

[Both sign in and resume the conversation in the elevator:]

Girl #2: Two years in jail?
Girl #1: Yeah. Two years in jail! THE GOVERNMENT IS NAH CH’YOUR FRIEND!
Girl #2: I knew’d it.

[Both laugh hysterically for the next 4 floors.]

— Overheard by Joshua Demaree

Across from Barnes and Noble, Murray Ave., Squirrel Hill:

Thug on a Cell Phone: Well, you know man, I got a bad back ‘cuz I got tazed by the PO-lice.

Outside the University Center, CMU. 7 p.m.
Two CMU cops gesture at something far away on the football field:

CMU Cop #1: Y’ever seen one a’ them on fire?
CMU Cop #2: Yeah. Ya never forget ya first time.

— Overheard by beadnik.

Market Square, Downtown:

Man #1: When we went to Alcatraz we sat on Al Capone’s toilet.
Man #2: Did it still work?

— Overheard by Keystone

Pharmacy Counter, Rite-Aid, Forbes/Murray, Squirrel Hill. 11 p.m.
A man is purchasing Claritin-D, which requires him to scan his license to make sure he’s not making methamphetamine:

40-Something Man: [Scans license] Now you know who I am.
Pharmacist: Well, you know the rules: Just need to make sure you’re just taking this for allergies and are not making bad stuff with it.
40-Something Man: Actually, I’m making enemas with it. For my CATS.
Pharmacist: Well… that’s interesting. What do you cut that with?
40-Something Man: Straight VODKA.
Pharmacist: Suit yourself. Here’s your receipt.

— Overheard by Christopher

67F Outbound, near CVS, Wilkins Ave, Squirrel Hill

Man: That’s the house where my sister shot her husband.

[Silence.]

63B Outbound, in front of the US Steel Building, Downtown. Early evening.
A nearby cop is writing a ticket to a motorist:

Bus Driver: He’s from Ohio; double it!
Bus Passenger: Did you tell him to double it?
Bus Driver: Yeah, and if I knew he was from Cleveland, I’d have told him to triple it.

In Front of the Criminal court Building, Forbes and Ross, Downtown:

20-Something Yinzer Chick: I’m dahntahn and not in a paddy wagon! How amazing is that?

— Overheard by Ra