Overheard in Pittsburgh

The Underground, Carnegie Mellon University.
Three pre-college students, two boys and one girl, are playing pool:

Boy #1: And if your ball is close, you can blow it in.
Boy #2: Yeah, but you can only blow it once.
Boy #1: No, she can blow her ball as many times as she wants.

— Overheard by I’m just trying to write a research paper

Maggie Murph Cafe, Hunt Library, CMU.
Two female college students with ditzy intonation are conversing and drinking
coffee:

Student #1: I, like, totally hate the concept of piñatas. Like, “Um, here’s a little colored animal! Let’s beat it with a stick!” Like, “Here’s a little donkey with pizazz! Let’s knock the crap out of it!” You know?

Students #1 and #2: [excessive giggling]

— Overheard by ivan seismic

Walnut Grill, Shadyside.
A Preppie Guy with spiked hair and one too many shirt buttons undone talks to two girls:

Preppie Guy: I don’t know if the uterus is involved, but if it is, the uterus needs to come out.

— Overheard by Sara

Thanksgiving Party, Squirel Hill.
Five guests play Scrabble™ while the turkey finishes roasting. Guest #1 puts a four letter word onto the board:

Guest #2: Take that back.
Guest #3: I think he can play it; it’s certainly a real word.
Hostess: What’s all the fuss?
Guest #2: He just played “jews” for 20 points with a double-word score.

—Overheard by The Connor

Near the Roberto Clemente Bridge, Downtown. Before the Allstar Game.
A small group of anti-sweatshop protesters march toward the game when a group of anti-abortion protesters comes into view:

Sweatshop Protester #1: Look at them!
Sweatshop Protester #2: They’ll do anything for publicity!

- Overheard by Neutral Bystander

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: One of the unborn stars of the anti-abortion signs in named “Baby Malachai”! No autographs, please!

Ice Cream-Eating Contest for Bethel Presbyterian’s Youth Mission Trip fund.
Washington Crown Center Mall, Washington, PA:

Food Court Worker/Contestant #1: Good Luck.
Food Court Worker/Contestant #2: I don’t need luck. I’m a retard.

— Overheard by a happy marketing director

Barnes & Noble, Smithfield Street, Downtown.
An old homeless man has been placidly perusing the just-released 2006 Guiness Book of World Records:

Old Homeless Dude, loudly: I wouldn’t think a drag queen could stay in sobriety for one billion seconds.
[Long Pause]
But I guess she could!

— Overheard by Ben