Overheard in Pittsburgh

Ellis School, Shadyside:

Teacher: You know what the best thing is about having a baby? These boobs are huge.
Student: So much for the joys of motherhood, huh?

— Overheard by Shoppy

Wendy’s, Waterworks Mall. Sunday Afternoon.
A loud woman approaches the counter with her grandson and sets down an empty cup:

Loud Woman: This spilled.
[Employee takes the cup to refill it]
Loud Woman: And what is up with these hamburgers? It’s about as thick as a slice of ham. It’s supposed to be a deluxe.
Employee: It’s a junior.
Loud Woman: Two ounces of beef. Two ounces. What’s it come to? An eighth of an ounce. [Employee ignores her and her grandson wanders away] We’d have been better off going to McDonalds and getting a double cheeseburger for 99 cents.
— Overheard by M.B.

The Fast Food Connoisseur

Target, McKnight Road, North Hills.
A young husband and wife are with their three children, two boys about four or five years old and a little girl about six. The boys are each holding a small, colorful plastic handbag, meant to carry a child’s lunch:

Boy #1: Are these bags or purses?
Girl: Purses.
Boy #1: [ecstatic] Look at our purses!
Dad: Ahhh, I don’t know if…
Boy #1: We’re gonna get purses!  Look at our pretty purses! 

[The family walks away, Boy #1 skipping and swinging his purse.]
— Overheard by VertigoXpress

Inbound Bus Stop, Kelly / S. Trenton, Wilkinsburg:

Lady: [to her son and his friend] I don’t understand why you spend all your time playing video games. It’s like you’re so wrapped up in them, you don’t even take time to watch television anymore.

— Overheard by Alisa Grishman

Mellon Square Parking Garage, Downtown:

Frantic Mom on Cell Phone: Oh! His nunchucks, he can’t forget them. Seriously, he needs his nunchucks!

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Sixth Street, Liberty / Penn, Downtown.
Three elderly women walk out of Starbucks:

Elderly Woman #1: My daughter’s been telling my granddaughter that she’s 29 years old for five years now… And just as I was about to tell my granddaughter her real age, she turns to me and said, “And what does that make you, grandma? 40?”
Elderly Woman #2: You didn’t tell her, did you?
Elderly Woman #1: Damn right.

— Overheard by Megan

Starbucks, Sewickley. Sunday morning.
A 50-something husband and wife sit next to each other, reading newspapers:

Wife: Oh, look: K-Mart’s having a baby sale.
Husband: What kind of baby are you looking to buy?
Wife: Oh, you know, whatever’s on clearance.

— Overheard by Darwin Police

67A Outbound, Oakland.
A Little Boy in a Steelers Jacket stares out the window, commenting on what he sees loudly and uninteligably. At the Carnegie Mellon stop, the Walking to the Sky statue comes into view:

Little Boy: One day I’m going to buy that statue and send it back to New York!
— Overheard by Connor

61B Inbound, Oakland:

African American Woman: [Addressing Bus Driver] That’s what I tol’ my son: I put you on this earth, I can take you out. I’ll get my Louisville Slugger. Uncle Sam’s got him over in Iraq now, though.
Bus Driver: So he’s getting whupped for a paycheck instead of for free?!
African American Woman: Exactly. I tol’ all my kids, I brought you in, I’ll take you out. Even my granddaughter, I didn’t bring her in, but I’ll take her out too. I tol’ her that and she went crying to Sharise — her mama — but Sharise just tol’ her “Baby girl, your grammy tol’ me that when I was a little girl too, and I’m sticking to it.” She went
crying to her other grammy, and she tol’ her the same thing I did.
Bus Driver: Amen!

[The bus pulls up to the Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. The African American woman gets up to start getting off the bus.]

African American Woman: Time to get my nurse on!

—  Overheard by Connor

Parking Lot, South Hills Village Mall.
A Middle-Aged Woman stands extremely close to a toothless Old Woman’s face:

Middle-Aged Woman: Do you want to go hoooooooooome?
Old Woman: Oh yeah, shur. Thah sounds gud.
Middle-Aged Woman: You don’t know what you want, gooooddaaamn it!

— Overheard by Jazz