Overheard in Pittsburgh

Near the Taco Bell, Baum Blvd, Bloomfield.
About a Block away from the Hospital in which the Mayor Died Five Days Before:

Guy: Oh, man.
Girl: What?
Guy: That sign says “WE LOVE U MAYOR BOB”.
Girl: I’d be offended if I died and that Taco Bell put a sign up about me.
Guy: You’d be offended? But you’d be dead.
Girl: It’s a really shitty Taco Bell.

Post Office, Millvale.
There is a small line at the end of the day, and two postal workers behind the counter. An older (50-60) woman, large and hunched over, walks up to the counter with a huge pile of Christmas cards:

Woman: I’m going to need 50 Christmas stamps.
Postal Worker: OK… [opens drawer] Do you want “Christmas Cookies” or“Madonna and Child”?
Woman: [Loudly, and sounding slightly offended] Oh! OH! “Madonna and Child”, PLEASE.

[Awkward pause in the post office]

Woman: If I so much as LOOK at a Christmas cookie, I gain 10 pounds.

— Overheard by Etzel

Outside Dave and Andy’s, Atwood Street, Oakland.
A group of drunken college guys stumble into two girls late Friday night:

Drunk Guy #1: Hey. Hey, you. Tell that girl to give Eddie Van Halen his jacket back.
College Chicks: What girl?
Drunk Guy #1: That girl over there.
[Drunk Guy #1 points at two girls across the street, neither of whom is wearing a jacket. College Chicks laugh it off, and as they are walking around the corner, they hear:]

Drunk Guy #1: HEY, I’M ONLY TELLING YOU ONE TIME: GIVE IT BACK!

— Overheard by Steph

Heinz Field Exit Ramp, North Side. After a loss to the Patriots:

Creamsicle* #1: I’m writing to Big Ben and Joey Porter tomorrow to tell them they’re a bunch of assholes.
Creamsicle #2: I know!

— Overheard by McArdle

* Overheard in Pittsburgh TrendWatch: Agent McArdle informs us that a “Creamsicle” is a “girl who is tanned to the point that her skin is orange, and bleached to the point that her hair is cream-colored.”