Overheard in Pittsburgh

61C Outbound, Oakland:
Pitt Student #1: I have this project where I want to get a portrait of Darwin and put it in my house — like, over the fireplace with a nice frame.
Pitt Student #2: Or a bust!
Pitt Student #1: Yeah, a bust of Darwin! And then I’ll get one of Mr. T and put it right next to him!

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Elevator, Litchfield Tower C, Pitt Campus. After Midnight.
A forlorn, disheveled Student talks to his less-disheveled friend:

Student #1: Ugh.
Student #2: What?
Student #1: Stephen Colbert just directed his Nerd Army to attack Wikipedia again.
Student #2: What, really? He’s still doing stuff like that?
Student #1: Yeah, I don’t know; I guess telling his mindless drones to fuck up their school’s dictionaries wasn’t hilarious enough.
Student #2: Didn’t he used to make fun of guys like that? Is he making fun of his fans, or what? I mean, what’s his point?
Student #1: Yeah; I used to think that stuff was funny, but now it’s just kind of weird and sad. I’m kind of ready for him to be over now.
Student #2: Yeah.

— Overheard by I used to think he was funny too

Editor’s Note: I have loved Stephen Colbert’s work for a long time — Exit 57, Strangers with Candy, the Daily Show, and his current series — but I think this stuff’s a little done, too. At what point did Colbert stop merely mimicking the charismatic leaders of cult-like movements and actually become one? When does the cost of the joke exceed the payoff? I really wish Colbert would stop with the Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show-audience-participation biz would stop so I can feel OK about liking his series again. — Chris

Market Square, Downtown:

Man #1: When we went to Alcatraz we sat on Al Capone’s toilet.
Man #2: Did it still work?

— Overheard by Keystone

Ross Park Mall, Ross Township.
Two Elderly Women wait for the ACCESS bus:

Elderly Woman #1: I do not like Macy*s. Their prices are too high. Then they are putting a Nordstroms in over there. That is not for me. That is for “Angena Jolie” and “Britney Spears”. Not me.
Elderly Woman #2: Ah huh.
Elderly Woman #1: The most I ever spent for a purse was $60. I would never spend $500 for a purse. But, if I did, I would put a big tag on it saying, “I paid $500 for this purse,” so everyone could see how much I spent on it.
Elderly Woman #2: Oh.
Elderly Woman #1: Why did they put shrubs out there? Who the hell wants to come to a mall to see shrubs?
Elderly Woman #2: Ah huh.

Office, Downtown:

Young Junior Accountant: Dude, all the flags are at half staff because Coach retired.
Co-Worker: No, that’s because President Ford died.
Junior: Oh.

— Overheard by aurora

Crowded 67A Outbound. Mid-Afternoon:

Sorority Girl: I heard that Dennis Quaid looked really old.
Frat Boy #1: Yeah, soooo old. Like, the oldest!
[All laugh.]
Frat Boy #2: There have been extras standing outside my building for the past week and a half every day at six in the morning.
Frat Boy #3: Really?  Frat Boy Two: REALLY!  Frat Boy One: Oh, man, that’s cool!
Frat Boy #2: I KNOW! [suddenly solemn] There are some hot bitches in that group, though.

— Overheard by Rachel

Evaline Halloween Party, Friendship:

Wounded Ben Roethlisberger #4: Hey, is that Sienna Miller?
Some Sort of Sexy Cat Chick: I don’t think so; doesn’t she usually look like shit?

Near Dowes on 9th, Downtown:

Guy: Has anyone seen Franco Harris?

Crepes Parisienne, Shadyside. Saturday morning:

College Girl: Oh my God, this is like something Rachel Ray would make!

— Overheard by ornery librarian

Outside St. Paul’s Cathedral, 5th Ave, Oakland:

Girl #1: Did you see the mayor’s funeral here a few days ago?
Girl #2: Yeah. They had horses.
Girl #1: I don’t get why they have funerals in churches. What if you got invited, but you were an atheist?
Girl #2: I don’t see the problem here.
Girl #1: Well, you know, it’d be all distracting when the atheist mourner walks in and starts melting and screaming ’cause he’s on holy ground and God doesn’t like him.
Girl #2: Like at the end of Wizard of Oz? I don’t think it works that way.

— Overheard by TheConnor