Overheard in Pittsburgh

Carnegie Library, East Liberty.

An old man with shoe-polish-black hair is standing at a copier and crooning.

Old Man: [stops singing] Oops, can’t sing, it’s a library. [Sings a little more] I bet you think I’m singin’ `cause I’m happy, but I’m not. I’m singin’ `cause I’m half-broke and crazy.

— Overheard by coreyw

Urban Outfitters, Southside Works. Friday Night.Short Girl: Oh my god, does heartburn hurt here? [touches her chest]
Giant Dude: Um, yeah.
Short Girl: I think I have heartburn!  I had it once in 2001.  I think it comes from my mom’s side of the family.

Oh my god, does heartburn hurt here? [touches her chest] Um, yeah. I think I have heartburn!  I had it once in 2001.  I think it comes from my mom’s side of the family.— Overheard by coreyw

Crazy Mocha, Ellsworth, Shadyside:

Hipster Dude: I’m a para-legal in training; I can find anything!
[Begins to search for a phone number online.]

SportsWorks, Carnegie Science Center. North Shore. Tuesday Afternoon.
Two boys and two girls from a school group, all around seven years old, are sitting on a bench:

Boy #1: Eeeeeewwwwww!!! You have to sit next to two blondes!
Boy #2: So?
Boy #1: Blondes are disgusting!!

Bruegger’s Bagels, Moon Township A middle-aged Catholic lady approaches the bagel counter. The man in front of her in line is a priest, complete with Roman collar.

Lady: Do you have anything meatless?
Bagel Maker: You mean like bagels?

[The lady orders a breakfast sandwich.]

Lady: Wait… I don’t know if I want the egg. Are eggs OK for Lent?
Bagel Maker: I really don’t know. Probably?
Priest: Excuse me. It’s a matter of debate, but I think they’re fine.
Lady: Are you sure? How do you know?

— Overheard by Darwin Police

Make-Up Section, Target, Waterfront:

Young Black Woman: [to herself] I need to get out of this place. I have had it with the Waterfront. First I’m gonna fucking eat, then I’m gonna catch the bus. I need to get out of this place.

— Overheard by just trying to shop

Maggie Murph Cafe, Hunt Library, CMU.
Two female college students with ditzy intonation are conversing and drinking
coffee:

Student #1: I, like, totally hate the concept of piñatas. Like, “Um, here’s a little colored animal! Let’s beat it with a stick!” Like, “Here’s a little donkey with pizazz! Let’s knock the crap out of it!” You know?

Students #1 and #2: [excessive giggling]

— Overheard by ivan seismic

Women’s Restroom, Hilton Hotel, Downtown. During an Insurance Convention:

Middle-Aged Woman #1: Wait, you can’t go in there; that’s the handicapped stall.
Middle-Aged Woman #2: Honey, we’re all handicapped in our own way.

— Overheard by Rorge

6th Floor Animation Lab, Art Institute:
Male Art Student: I need my blue pencil. I draw better with my blue pencil. It’s sexy.

— Overheard by Rotzi

Bus Stop, Forbes / Bigelow, Oakland:
A 20-something Asian girl with a cello case taller than she is strapped to her back approaches the driver of a stopped bus:

Cello Girl: Does this bus go to Heinz Hall?
Bus Driver: There is only one way to get to Heinz Hall.  Practice, practice, practice.
Cello Girl: Which bus is that?

— Overheard by BiggAndyy