Overheard in Pittsburgh

Brillobox, Bloomfield:

Drunk Man: McKees Rocks… It’s economically depressed.
Girl: Yeah, and emotionally depressed too.
Drunk Man: [excitedly: Yeah! You know it! [less excitedly] You’re Jewish, aren’t you?
Girl: How can you tell?
Drunk Man: Your demeanor. My ex-girlfriend was Jewish. Sometimes I miss her.

Forbes Ave near Market Square, Downtown:

60-Something Male Flower Vendor: Hey, do you have a girlfriend?
College Guy: No.
Flower Vendor: …Do you have a boyfriend?
College Guy: Are you asking?
[…]
Flower Vendor: …No.

— Overheard by Connor 

Liberty-Smithfield Garage, Downtown. Palm Sunday Morning.
Two boys, fresh out of Palm Sunday services with Palm branches, swat one another with the palms:

Mother: Young men, those are not swords!
Boy #1: Swords!
Boy #2: We’re not men! We’re women!

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Home Furnishings Department, Target, Waterfront. Afternoon.
A young mother shops with her toddler in the front seat of a shopping cart. The young child is crying hysterically:

Toddler:  I…want…to…diiiiiieee!

— Overheard by corey w.

Bus Stop, Murray / Forward, Squirrel Hill. Five minutes until the 61C arrives.
The weather is sunny, and the temperature is in the mid-30s:

Old Man: That bus won’t come!
—Makes me mad…
—That dumb blazin’ bus won’t show up! We’re gonna get frostbite waitin’ out here!
—Maybe they’re not runnin’…
—Maybe they’ll send another one?
—That dadgum bus!
—Makes me mad…
[The bus appears at the crest of the hill. A line of cars at the light holds it back.]
Old Man: Why won’t those cars move? [waves arm] Move, cars!
[A group of even older old people turn and look at him incredulously. The intersection finally clears, and the bus pulls up.]
Senile Old Man: [to the driver] Is this bus overcrowded? Are there seats?
Driver of Nearly Empty Bus: [answering first question] No.
Old Man: Aw, never mind, then.
[Senile Old Man shuffles away]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

Health and Wellness Section, Sam’s Club, Robinson.
A large 40-something woman holding a twin-pack of tampons stops pushing her buggy and turns to her pre-teen son:

Woman: SO WHAT? I’m allowed to shop here. I paid $40 for my membership like everyone else. She can kiss my ass and go to hell!

[The son blushes and looks embarrassed.]

CMU Textbook Store. Mid-Afternoon.
Two 40-something women — one white, the other black — are shopping for office supplies:

White Lady: Do you have any more of these eight-tab dividers?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any more of the colored ones, but we have the plain white ones.
White Lady: No, she wouldn’t like that at all. She’d be so mad if we mixed the colored ones and white ones.
[…]
White Lady: [turns to black co-worker] No offense…

USAirways flight 1560, Ft. Lauderdale to Pittsburgh.
The majority of the passengers have sunburns and Steelers/camouflage/NASCAR clothing on. A large gentleman with the sleeves cut off of his t-shirt and a Yosemite Sam tattoo squeezes down the aisle, followed by a man with a Camaro shirt and a camo hat:

Man #1: [in thick yinzer accent]: Nuh-uh! These seatbelts are just like the ones on the Jack Rabbit!
Man #2: [next to him, shyly whispering] What’s the Jack Rabbit?
Man #1: [in disbelief]  JACK RABBIT’S ONE OF THE BEST ROLLER COASTERS EVER. IT’S AT KENNYWOOD.
[Several other passengers join in and talk about how great Kennywood is, how much they miss it, how they can’t wait for May…]

Man #3: You never heard of Kennywood? It’s best amusement park ever!
Man #4: Jack Rabbit’s a great roller coaster!
Man #5: I love `em Potato Patch French fries.

— Overheard by Ben Kundman

Hamburg Hall, CMU:

CMU Student #1: She’s such a great friend!
CMU Student #2: Yeah, well, she thinks she is. Sometimes I just feel like she’s trying to bribe me.
CMU Student #1: Yeah, but do you know she got me for my birthday?

— Overheard by Iceberg

Target, McKnight Road, North Hills.
A young husband and wife are with their three children, two boys about four or five years old and a little girl about six. The boys are each holding a small, colorful plastic handbag, meant to carry a child’s lunch:

Boy #1: Are these bags or purses?
Girl: Purses.
Boy #1: [ecstatic] Look at our purses!
Dad: Ahhh, I don’t know if…
Boy #1: We’re gonna get purses!  Look at our pretty purses! 

[The family walks away, Boy #1 skipping and swinging his purse.]
— Overheard by VertigoXpress