Overheard in Pittsburgh

16th Street, South Side. 1 a.m.:

Drunk Guy: [to Drunk Friend] My motto is “If you can make her scream like every animal in the zoo, she’s yours.”

The Underground, Carnegie Mellon University.
Three pre-college students, two boys and one girl, are playing pool:

Boy #1: And if your ball is close, you can blow it in.
Boy #2: Yeah, but you can only blow it once.
Boy #1: No, she can blow her ball as many times as she wants.

— Overheard by I’m just trying to write a research paper

Brillobox, Bloomfield:

Drunk Man: McKees Rocks… It’s economically depressed.
Girl: Yeah, and emotionally depressed too.
Drunk Man: [excitedly: Yeah! You know it! [less excitedly] You’re Jewish, aren’t you?
Girl: How can you tell?
Drunk Man: Your demeanor. My ex-girlfriend was Jewish. Sometimes I miss her.

In front of Mercy Health Center, Soho:

Homeless Guy: Oh, honey, thank you, thank you! You’re the first beautiful thing I’ve seen in this damn city! Everything else is shit!

Target, The Pointe at North Fayette:

Fat Old Butch Woman: Where are you at, Helga?
Helga: At the girdles; where do you think?

— Overheard by Darwin Police

Carson, South Side. Saturday Night.
Three pre-teens, two boys and a girl, are walking down Carson. The girl stops at a bus stop and the boys keep walking:

Girl: [to man at bus stop] Do the buses that stop here go downtown? [The man answers yes. The girl turns to shout at the boys.] I’m catchin’ a bus, yo! I’m not walkin’!
[One of the boys turns and mumbles something over his shoulder, ending with "rape you."]
Girl: AND THEN DARLENE’S GONNA RAPE YOU!

— Overheard by bookgrrl

Food Pavilion, Three Rivers Arts Festival, Downtown.
Two gay men looking at Italian sausages make eyes at each other and smile:

Gay Man #1: They look gooooood .

Gay Man #2: They look like santorum makers.

61B Outbound, Uptown:

60-Year-Old Black Guy in a Golf Cap: [to 20-something co-ed] Sweetheart, you’re beautiful; you make my heart shiver and my liver quiver.

National City Bank, Mt. Washington.
An extraordinarily short 30-something man is talking to bank teller and holding up a line of people:

Man: So how you been?
Teller: Oh, fine.
Man: Just fine? I saw you out last week with your boyfriend Hank.
Teller: My boyfriend’s name isn’t Hank.
Man: Oh well, he sure looks like a Hank.

Crowded Shuttle from the Gulf Tower to the Boardwalk Parking Lot in the Strip:

30-Something Woman #1: Yeah, so my sister set me up with this guy, and we’ve been dating for awhile, and he’s totally great, but he just told me last week that he doesn’t want to have kids.
30-Something Woman #2: Oh my god! That’s terrible. I know how much you want to have kids.
Woman #1: Yeah, and the weird thing is that when my sister set us up, she told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she didn’t want to have kids.
Woman #2: That’s so weird.
Woman #1: Well I think I taught him a lesson: The other night we were going to see a movie, and he called and suggested that we go see Shrek the Third or Ocean’s 13 because he knew that I really wanted to see those. I knew that he hadn’t seen the first two Shreks or Ocean’s 11 or 12 though, so I suggested that we go see Pirates of the Carribean 3 instead because I knew he really wanted to see that. I hadn’t seen the first two Pirates movies, but a girl at work told me you don’t have to see the first two to enjoy the third. So we went to see Pirates 3, and afterward, he said to me, “Thank you so much for going to see Pirates. I really wanted to see it, and I know that you didn’t see the first two.” So I said, “Well, you know, realationships are about compromise, on big and small things.”
So now I think he might think a little bit more about having kids.

— Overheard by Ben