Overheard in Pittsburgh

The Underground, Carnegie Mellon University.
Three pre-college students, two boys and one girl, are playing pool:

Boy #1: And if your ball is close, you can blow it in.
Boy #2: Yeah, but you can only blow it once.
Boy #1: No, she can blow her ball as many times as she wants.

— Overheard by I’m just trying to write a research paper

Bar, Hemingway’s, Oakland.

College Guy: [between sips of beer, to College Girl] When I get really old, I know I’ll be wearing pants up to, like, my waist.

Fifth Avenue, near Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus. Mid-Afternoon.
Two middle-school-aged boys hang outside the window of a bus that is stuck in traffic to yell at two petite girls who have just left Towers:

Boys: Ya’ll know ya’ll don’t go to Pitt! LITTLE GIRLS!

Forbes Ave near Market Square, Downtown:

60-Something Male Flower Vendor: Hey, do you have a girlfriend?
College Guy: No.
Flower Vendor: …Do you have a boyfriend?
College Guy: Are you asking?
[...]
Flower Vendor: …No.

— Overheard by Connor 

Eat ‘N’ Park, Squirrel Hill:

Middle-Aged Woman #1: I spent the weekend moving my grandfather into assisted living.
Middle-Aged Woman #2: How old is he?
Middle-Aged Woman #1: He’s a hundred and one. He quit smoking two years ago for health reasons.

SportsWorks, Carnegie Science Center. North Shore. Tuesday Afternoon.
Two boys and two girls from a school group, all around seven years old, are sitting on a bench:

Boy #1: Eeeeeewwwwww!!! You have to sit next to two blondes!
Boy #2: So?
Boy #1: Blondes are disgusting!!

Bus Stop, Murray / Forward, Squirrel Hill. Five minutes until the 61C arrives.
The weather is sunny, and the temperature is in the mid-30s:

Old Man: That bus won’t come!
—Makes me mad…
—That dumb blazin’ bus won’t show up! We’re gonna get frostbite waitin’ out here!
—Maybe they’re not runnin’…
—Maybe they’ll send another one?
—That dadgum bus!
—Makes me mad…
[The bus appears at the crest of the hill. A line of cars at the light holds it back.]
Old Man: Why won’t those cars move? [waves arm] Move, cars!
[A group of even older old people turn and look at him incredulously. The intersection finally clears, and the bus pulls up.]
Senile Old Man: [to the driver] Is this bus overcrowded? Are there seats?
Driver of Nearly Empty Bus: [answering first question] No.
Old Man: Aw, never mind, then.
[Senile Old Man shuffles away]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

61C Outbound, near Mercy Hospital, Soho.
A young woman stands, giving the whole bus a clear, sunlit view of her figure through her skirt:

Teen Boy: [to friend] Hey! Take a look at those nutritious facts!

— Overheard by Connor

Women’s Restroom, Hilton Hotel, Downtown. During an Insurance Convention:

Middle-Aged Woman #1: Wait, you can’t go in there; that’s the handicapped stall.
Middle-Aged Woman #2: Honey, we’re all handicapped in our own way.

— Overheard by Rorge

54C Outbound, Oakland.
Two old women get on the bus; one is markedly older than the other:

Old Woman: [shouting at Older Woman] Where’s your pass? WHERE’S YOUR PASS?!

[Older Woman doesn’t respond.]

Old Woman: WHERE’S YOUR BUS PASS?!!!

[Older Woman doesn’t respond; Old Woman goes through Older Woman's purse in search of a bus pass.]

Older Woman: Just what the hell do you think you’re doing in my purse?
Old Woman: Looking for your pass.
Older woman: I don’t have a stinking pass! I’m too goddamned old for a damned pass!

— Overheard by Smokey.