Overheard in Pittsburgh

Highmark Building, Downtown.

Junkie Girl on Cell Phone:I don’t care!
—Fuck that!
—Fuck CVS!
—Fuck the drug dealer!
—No! I’m coming upstairs!

East End Food Co-Op, Wilkinsburg. Lunchtime.
A manicured woman with a Lois Vuitton purse, Bluetooth headset,
and a loud, grating voice asks a question:

Lady: What’s polenta?
Co-Op staff: It’s cornmeal.
Lady: Ohhh. [ponders for awhile] So it’s potatoes, huh?
Coop staff: No, it’s cornmeal.

Computer Lab, Posvar Hall, Pitt campus. 8 pm.
A Dude with a polo shirt and diamond studs in his ears is leaning back talking loudly on his cell phone to the dismay of the people trying to work. He is talking in a total dude voice:

Dude on Cell Phone: Why does this chick have my fuckin’ sweatpants?
— What, like she has a thing for sweatpants or something?
— Man, this girl has my fuckin’ Pitt ID and shit; I, like, can’t do shit on
campus.
— So, why in the hell does she have my sweatpants?
— So she wanted a pair of your sweatpants?
— I dunno man: this chick sounds weird.
— Then why did you give her MY fuckin’ sweat pants man? They’re, like, MY sweatpants.
— I know, but I dont want some random chick walking around in my sweatpants,
thinking they’re yours or something.
— Well, she’s gonna find out when she finds my Pitt ID.
— Alright, man. Just get me my fuckin’ sweatpants back; this chick sounds
weird.

— Overheard by: just trying to do her fuckin work

Near the Roberto Clemente Bridge, Downtown. Before the Allstar Game.
A small group of anti-sweatshop protesters march toward the game when a group of anti-abortion protesters comes into view:

Sweatshop Protester #1: Look at them!
Sweatshop Protester #2: They’ll do anything for publicity!

- Overheard by Neutral Bystander

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: One of the unborn stars of the anti-abortion signs in named “Baby Malachai”! No autographs, please!

Ice Cream-Eating Contest for Bethel Presbyterian’s Youth Mission Trip fund.
Washington Crown Center Mall, Washington, PA:

Food Court Worker/Contestant #1: Good Luck.
Food Court Worker/Contestant #2: I don’t need luck. I’m a retard.

— Overheard by a happy marketing director

In front of the Kelly-Strayhorn Theater, East Liberty.
A small woman in a bright yellow coat is walking quickly. As she passes, she turns:

Canary Lady: Yeah, I’m out of my mind. What of it?

— Overheard by McArdle

61B, Oakland:

JumpStart Chick #1: So she just ran up to me and hugged me, and she was like, “Oh my god! I haven’t seen you in so long!” And I was like “Um … I don’t like you.” And it was weird ’cause the guy who was with her, he seemed like a nice guy; he had a look on his face like he was saying, “I’m sorry.” So I was like, “I’m sorry too.”
She was warm, but it was still kind of creepy.
JumpStart Chick #2: Wait: She was warm?
JumpStart Chick #1: Yeah, I’ve been chilly ever since I’ve had this cold.
JumpStart Chick #2: Oh. Right…
[...]
JumpStart Chick #1: Do you think I’m pleasant? I think everyone should be pleasant.

— Overheard by M. Davies

Outside Dave and Andy’s, Atwood Street, Oakland.
A group of drunken college guys stumble into two girls late Friday night:

Drunk Guy #1: Hey. Hey, you. Tell that girl to give Eddie Van Halen his jacket back.
College Chicks: What girl?
Drunk Guy #1: That girl over there.
[Drunk Guy #1 points at two girls across the street, neither of whom is wearing a jacket. College Chicks laugh it off, and as they are walking around the corner, they hear:]

Drunk Guy #1: HEY, I’M ONLY TELLING YOU ONE TIME: GIVE IT BACK!

— Overheard by Steph

Dunkin Donuts, Downtown, 10 a.m.:

Scruffy Guy in a Steelers Shirt: There’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!
[Manager ignores him.]
Scruffy Guy: Hey, buddy, there’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!
Manager: Please stop. I can’t hear the other customers.
Scruffy Guy: OK, right. [To himself] There’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!

— Overheard by Damage Funtrol

Barnes & Noble, Smithfield Street, Downtown.
An old homeless man has been placidly perusing the just-released 2006 Guiness Book of World Records:

Old Homeless Dude, loudly: I wouldn’t think a drag queen could stay in sobriety for one billion seconds.
[Long Pause]
But I guess she could!

— Overheard by Ben