Overheard in Pittsburgh

Bus Stop outside Magee Women’s Hospital:

Pregnant Girl on Cell Phone: Ma? Yeah, guess what it is.
—Yeah. Now guess what the other one is.
—Yeah; it’s twins.
—Oh, I just turned around and started beating the crap out of him.
—He was all like, to the nurse, “Make her stop!” and she’s like, “Why? It’s your fault.”

Confidential to Maimed in Magee: Only the mother has any influence on the likelihood of fraternal twins, and the occurrence of identical twins is random. Tell your lady this next time she tries to guilt you into going out for groceries at 3 a.m.

UPMC Admitting Room, Magee-Womens Hospital, Oakland.
Four Overweight Yinzers discuss names:

Young Yinzer Man: — Or Benjamin…
Young Yinzer Woman: That’d be a good name.
Old Yinzer Man: A good Steelers name!
Young Yinzer Man: Oh, like Roethlisberger!
Old Yinzer Woman: Or Jerome…
[Everyone stares at her silently.]
Old Yinzer Woman: …His middle name could be Bettis…
…
…Nickname him “The Bus”…
[Everyone continues to stare blankly.]

— Overheard by Ted Cook