Overheard in Pittsburgh

Borders Eastside, East Liberty.

Woman: Do I need to buy things here, or can I use my library card?
Manager: Ohhhh… You’ll have to to buy anything you want to take out of the store.
Boyfriend: [points to a giant sign that says “Paperchase”] Yeah, can’t you read? That sign says “Purchase!”

— Overheard by C.

CMU Textbook Store. Mid-Afternoon.
Two 40-something women — one white, the other black — are shopping for office supplies:

White Lady: Do you have any more of these eight-tab dividers?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any more of the colored ones, but we have the plain white ones.
White Lady: No, she wouldn’t like that at all. She’d be so mad if we mixed the colored ones and white ones.
[…]
White Lady: [turns to black co-worker] No offense…

Carnegie Mellon Bookstore, CMU Campus. Afternoon.
A stoner walks up to the counter to make his purchase. The salesperson is wearing a button that says “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!”:

Stoner: Hey, is today really your birthday?
Salesperson: No, I just found this button on the counter.
Stoner: Well then, FUCK YOU! You dirty liar!
Salesperson: Um, OK. Thanks.

Escalator, Barnes and Noble, Squirrel Hill. Sunday afternoon.

College Nerdy Chick: [to two friends] So his wife went to Europe, and while she was away… He got their baby a vasectomy!
Friends: No way!

— Overheard by vin

Barnes & Noble, Smithfield Street, Downtown.
An old homeless man has been placidly perusing the just-released 2006 Guiness Book of World Records:

Old Homeless Dude, loudly: I wouldn’t think a drag queen could stay in sobriety for one billion seconds.
[Long Pause]
But I guess she could!

— Overheard by Ben