@ Bar


Bar, Hemingway’s, Oakland.

College Guy: [between sips of beer, to College Girl] When I get really old, I know I’ll be wearing pants up to, like, my waist.

Brillobox, Bloomfield:

Drunk Man: McKees Rocks… It’s economically depressed.
Girl: Yeah, and emotionally depressed too.
Drunk Man: [excitedly: Yeah! You know it! [less excitedly] You’re Jewish, aren’t you?
Girl: How can you tell?
Drunk Man: Your demeanor. My ex-girlfriend was Jewish. Sometimes I miss her.

The Holiday, Forbes Ave., Oakland:

Bartender: Last call, motherfuckers! NOW DANCE!
[Madonna’s “Ray of Light” starts to play.]
Chorus of Drunk LGBT People: FUCK YEAH!
[Warbling sing-a-long ensues.]

William Penn Tavern, Shadyside.
Lynard Skynard plays on the jukebox:

White Guy: Play some “Freebird”!
Black Guy with Afro: Man, I didn’t pick my hair for 3 hours to hear this shit!

— Overheard by Frenchy

Barry’s Pub, South Side. Saturday Night.
Two drunk 20-something Italian Stallions with big gold chains sit at the bar:

Italian Stallion: Wow, man. These texts that I send? They should be published in the New Yorker, or some shit like that!
[…]
Italian Stallion:[sadly] …Yeah…except I never finish them.
[Italian Stallion proceeds to show a woman he doesn’t know an incoherent text to a girl he is trying to “let down easy.”]

— Overheard by Rachel