Overheard in Pittsburgh

Men’s Restroom, Bagel Factory, Squirrel Hill.
Two College Girls enter the unlocked door to a small but occupied men’s restroom and begin to wash their hands:

College Girl #1: Your mom can’t lock bathroom doors either, can she?
College Girl #2: No, she’s claustrophobic. She can’t even shut the stall door.

— Overheard by Wanton Disregard

Post Office, Millvale.
There is a small line at the end of the day, and two postal workers behind the counter. An older (50-60) woman, large and hunched over, walks up to the counter with a huge pile of Christmas cards:

Woman: I’m going to need 50 Christmas stamps.
Postal Worker: OK… [opens drawer] Do you want “Christmas Cookies” or“Madonna and Child”?
Woman: [Loudly, and sounding slightly offended] Oh! OH! “Madonna and Child”, PLEASE.

[Awkward pause in the post office]

Woman: If I so much as LOOK at a Christmas cookie, I gain 10 pounds.

— Overheard by Etzel