Overheard in Pittsburgh

Urban Outfitters, Southside Works. Friday Night.Short Girl: Oh my god, does heartburn hurt here? [touches her chest]
Giant Dude: Um, yeah.
Short Girl: I think I have heartburn!  I had it once in 2001.  I think it comes from my mom’s side of the family.

Oh my god, does heartburn hurt here? [touches her chest] Um, yeah. I think I have heartburn!  I had it once in 2001.  I think it comes from my mom’s side of the family.— Overheard by coreyw

Ross Park Mall, Ross Township.
Two Elderly Women wait for the ACCESS bus:

Elderly Woman #1: I do not like Macy*s. Their prices are too high. Then they are putting a Nordstroms in over there. That is not for me. That is for “Angena Jolie” and “Britney Spears”. Not me.
Elderly Woman #2: Ah huh.
Elderly Woman #1: The most I ever spent for a purse was $60. I would never spend $500 for a purse. But, if I did, I would put a big tag on it saying, “I paid $500 for this purse,” so everyone could see how much I spent on it.
Elderly Woman #2: Oh.
Elderly Woman #1: Why did they put shrubs out there? Who the hell wants to come to a mall to see shrubs?
Elderly Woman #2: Ah huh.

Ice Cream-Eating Contest for Bethel Presbyterian’s Youth Mission Trip fund.
Washington Crown Center Mall, Washington, PA:

Food Court Worker/Contestant #1: Good Luck.
Food Court Worker/Contestant #2: I don’t need luck. I’m a retard.

— Overheard by a happy marketing director

An old couple and their grandchildren are walking out of a bathroom at the Galleria at the Pittsburgh Mills Mall, Tarentum:

Old Woman: Look! There’s H&M!
Old Man: Him and Her’s.
Old Woman: That’s what it stands for?

— Overheard by a mall rat

Cold Stone Creamery, Waterworks Mall:

Cheerleader #1: What did you get?
Cheerleader #2: A “Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some™”
Cheerleader #1: No, but what did you get?
Cheerleader #2: A “Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some™”
Cheerleader #1: No, I asked what you got!

And on, and on, until she finally realized her tragic mistake.

— Overheard by Rachel