Overheard in Pittsburgh

Botany Lab, Carnegie Museum of Natural History, Oakland.
Preschool-aged children are taking part in a behind-the-scenes class:

Botanist: So what did everyone have for breakfast this morning? I bet most of you ate some plants for breakfast this morning.
Little Boy: I had waffles!
Botanist: And those are made from wheat, which is a plant.
Red-Haired Girl in a Fancy Pink Dress: I didn’t eat plants.
Botanist: Well, what did you eat this morning?
Red-Haired Girl: Cheerios and a banana.
Botanist: [cheerful, supportive tone] And Cheerios are made from grains, which grow on plants. And bananas are plants too.
Red-Haired Girl: [stamping her patent leather shoes] I DON’T EAT PLANTS!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: Shhh, now honey, yes you do.
Botanist: And how about what we’re all wearing? Lots of our clothes are made from cotton, which grows on a plant! And without plants, you wouldn’t have been able to drive here to see me today because tires have rubber in them, and rubber comes from the rubber tree whi—
Red-Haired Girl: I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: OK, that’s enough. [She grabs her daughter by the hand and
leads her out.]

Wendy’s, Pleasant Hills. Morning.
One of the cooks is having trouble getting the first order of the day correct:

Female Wendy’s Employee #1: He’s not doing that right.
Female Wendy’s Employee #2: What do you expect? He worked at McDonald’s.
— Overheard by Rob of UnSpace 

Starbucks, Forbes Ave, Oakland.
Three large Christian youth groups in matching t-shirts enter, and the vast majority orders Frappuccinos. After about 20 minutes, the Lutheran group leaves:

Christian Youth Councilor: [to another] Fucking Lutherans.

N. Craig St., Oakland.
Two large Catholic school girls are walking slowly, taking up the entire sidewalk. A few people have lined up behind them:

Girl #1: So I left without her. I told her she was too slow.
Girl #2: Mmmmhmmm.

Office, East Liberty. Early Morning:

Clerk: Man, we have got to have the weirdest paperboy around.
Janitor: You should see the deformed midget who delivers the Wall Street Journal!

— Overheard by corey w.

Target, The Pointe at North Fayette:

Fat Old Butch Woman: Where are you at, Helga?
Helga: At the girdles; where do you think?

— Overheard by Darwin Police

Carson, South Side. Saturday Night.
Three pre-teens, two boys and a girl, are walking down Carson. The girl stops at a bus stop and the boys keep walking:

Girl: [to man at bus stop] Do the buses that stop here go downtown? [The man answers yes. The girl turns to shout at the boys.] I’m catchin’ a bus, yo! I’m not walkin’!
[One of the boys turns and mumbles something over his shoulder, ending with "rape you."]
Girl: AND THEN DARLENE’S GONNA RAPE YOU!

— Overheard by bookgrrl

Fifth Avenue, near Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus. Mid-Afternoon.
Two middle-school-aged boys hang outside the window of a bus that is stuck in traffic to yell at two petite girls who have just left Towers:

Boys: Ya’ll know ya’ll don’t go to Pitt! LITTLE GIRLS!

Food Pavilion, Three Rivers Arts Festival, Downtown.
Two gay men looking at Italian sausages make eyes at each other and smile:

Gay Man #1: They look gooooood .

Gay Man #2: They look like santorum makers.

Post Office, Pleasant Hills.
A blonde girl in a Volvo is backing out at the same time as several other cars.

Volvo Driver: UM, HELLO?!?! SATURN?!?! Are you going to back into my… VOLVO?!?! JESUS CHRIST!!!