Life in the Iron City
{ Category Archives }
Starbucks, Forbes/Shady, Squirrel Hill.
A barrista makes a loud, evil laugh:
Barrista #1: Wow, that was some cackle.
Barrista #2: I thought you knew: Under this apron… PURE EEEEVIL!
Barrista #3: I don’t even think that kind of cackle is in my repertoire.
— Overheard by Connor
Bus Stop, Murray / Forward, Squirrel Hill. Five minutes until the 61C arrives.
The weather is sunny, and the temperature is in the mid-30s:
Old Man: That bus won’t come!
—Makes me mad…
—That dumb blazin’ bus won’t show up! We’re gonna get frostbite waitin’ out here!
—Maybe they’re not runnin’…
—Maybe they’ll send another one?
—That dadgum bus!
—Makes me mad…
[The bus appears at the crest of the hill. A line of cars at the light holds it back.]
Old Man: Why won’t those cars move? [waves arm] Move, cars!
[A group of even older old people turn and look at him incredulously. The intersection finally clears, and the bus pulls up.]
Senile Old Man: [to the driver] Is this bus overcrowded? Are there seats?
Driver of Nearly Empty Bus: [answering first question] No.
Old Man: Aw, never mind, then.
[Senile Old Man shuffles away]
— Overheard by Zyzzy
61C Inbound, Squirrel Hill. Morning.
Woman #1: Where’d you buy that [body glitter]?
Woman #2: Oh, I got this from a nudie bar — I mean that adult bookstore in Monroeville. Pretty much anywhere that sells dildoes sells body glitter.
— Overheard by mp
Forbes Ave, Squirrel Hill:
Teenage Girl #1: [describing being in a car accident] So, now I freak out whenever I see a car turning a corner.
Teenage Girl #2: You’re traumatized! That’s so cute!
Across from Barnes and Noble, Murray Ave., Squirrel Hill:
Thug on a Cell Phone: Well, you know man, I got a bad back ‘cuz I got tazed by the PO-lice.
Murray / Darlington, Squirrel Hill. Saturday Afternoon.
A Man and his young daughter walk, holding hands:
Woman: [honking as she passes in her giant gray SUV]: Hey Murray!
Man: Oh, hi.
Woman: How are you?
Man: Oh, good. How are you?
Woman: Good! [drives away]
Man: [to daughter] I have no idea who that was.
— Overheard by corey w.
Checkout Line, Giant Eagle, Squirrel Hill:
Guy: [talking about someone on the radio] I like to hear his voice, I just don’t want to see him. You know, like, you can fuck the hooker, but you shouldn’t kiss the hooker.
Girl: [sweetly] Awww, we had that conversation the first night we met.
In front of Mineos, Squirrel Hill
A crowd of people, mostly children, check out a guy’s awesome Harley. His dog sits in the matching sidecar:
Older Woman: Does your dog like riding in the sidecar?
Biker: Yeah….he loves it…it’s his favorite activity [nods toward the dog, who is licking pizza sauce off of a child's face] besides eating, of course.
— Overheard by L.P.
59U Outbound, Squirrel Hill:
Teenage Girl with Lisp: We had to wead about this guy named Miwl who wote this book On Wiberty. He was wike a feminist owr something. I was wike, “Uhhh, fanks but no fanks buddy!”
— Overheard by Cole Reigleton
Pharmacy Counter, Rite-Aid, Forbes/Murray, Squirrel Hill. 11 p.m.
A man is purchasing Claritin-D, which requires him to scan his license to make sure he’s not making methamphetamine:
40-Something Man: [Scans license] Now you know who I am.
Pharmacist: Well, you know the rules: Just need to make sure you’re just taking this for allergies and are not making bad stuff with it.
40-Something Man: Actually, I’m making enemas with it. For my CATS.
Pharmacist: Well… that’s interesting. What do you cut that with?
40-Something Man: Straight VODKA.
Pharmacist: Suit yourself. Here’s your receipt.
— Overheard by Christopher