Overheard in Pittsburgh

16th Street, South Side. 1 a.m.:

Drunk Guy: [to Drunk Friend] My motto is “If you can make her scream like every animal in the zoo, she’s yours.”

Southside Works, South Side. Thursday night.
Five teenagers in costumes stand together, following the sneak preview of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

Boy in Cape: Dumbledore is so punk rock.
[Everyone nods in agreement.]

Carson, South Side. Saturday Night.
Three pre-teens, two boys and a girl, are walking down Carson. The girl stops at a bus stop and the boys keep walking:

Girl: [to man at bus stop] Do the buses that stop here go downtown? [The man answers yes. The girl turns to shout at the boys.] I’m catchin’ a bus, yo! I’m not walkin’!
[One of the boys turns and mumbles something over his shoulder, ending with "rape you."]
Girl: AND THEN DARLENE’S GONNA RAPE YOU!

— Overheard by bookgrrl

Office, South Side:

Mindless Receptionist: Then what happened?
Soul-Sucking Intern: I woke up and there was something in my mouth.

— Overheard by Sah Side Struggle

Urban Outfitters, Southside Works. Friday Night.Short Girl: Oh my god, does heartburn hurt here? [touches her chest]
Giant Dude: Um, yeah.
Short Girl: I think I have heartburn!  I had it once in 2001.  I think it comes from my mom’s side of the family.

Oh my god, does heartburn hurt here? [touches her chest] Um, yeah. I think I have heartburn!  I had it once in 2001.  I think it comes from my mom’s side of the family.— Overheard by coreyw

Outside Bathroom Door, Barry’s Pub, Carson St., South Side. St. Patrick’s Day.
A 20-Something Man who is dressed entirely in in green with leprechaun hat is talking on the cell phone:

Green Guy on Cell: No, dude: I’m at Barry’s. No, you have to come down. Yeah, I’ve been telling everyone you’re dead.

— Overheard by I Can’t Believe Shawn Michaels Tapped Out

Giant Eagle Shopping Center, South side.
A man and a woman are walking with their little girl, who is crying:

Mom: [to little girl] You’re fine! You just tripped!
Dad: [to little girl]  You spent all day at the Science Center and you didn’t care at all about gravity. Gravity does serious stuff to you when you fall down. It fucks you up!

— Overheard by cate!

South 14th / Carson, South Side. Saturday night.

Young Woman: [to Young Man] Oh… you want food! I thought you wanted someone to sleep with!
— Overheard by Wendy D.

Beehive, South Side.
A nerdy, bearded man sits by himself, enthralled in his laptop when three more nerds join him:

Beard Nerd: YO, MAN! You totally gave me the WRONG SPELL for Warcraft! I’M STILL AT THE SAME LEVEL!
Nerd Friend #1: Don’t yell at me for not being able to attain Warcraft greatness.
Nerd Friend #2: Hey, guys. My new girlfriend? She keeps getting on me for being a gamer. Like, come on! It’s a part of me. She’s really great though: She’s funny.
Nerd Friend #3: Well, dude, if she won’t actively participate in World of Warcraft with her man, then she’s gotta go. Make her a gamer, or she’s gotta go.

Nick’s Imports, South Side
Two giggling High School Girls scamper around the store, trying on clothing:

High School Girl #1: No, we totally couldn’t do that. Can you imagine?
High School Girl #2: Yeah, that’d be like blasphemy: We come in wearing our leather boots and a hippie skirt. The vegans would come after us.

— Overheard by smurf