Overheard in Pittsburgh

Crazy Mocha, Ellsworth, Shadyside:

Hipster Dude: I’m a para-legal in training; I can find anything!
[Begins to search for a phone number online.]

Outside Subway, Center Ave, Shadyside:

College Girl: [pointing at pastrami sub picture in the window] That’s what you’re getting.
Boyfriend: What? Why do you say that?
College Girl: Because you’re totally gay for pastrami.
Boyfriend: I’m gay for a lot of things.

Ellis School, Shadyside:

Teacher: You know what the best thing is about having a baby? These boobs are huge.
Student: So much for the joys of motherhood, huh?

— Overheard by Shoppy

House Party Full of 25-30-Year-Olds, Shadyside.
A blonde girl pulls her black winter coat with fake fur trim around the
hood from the coat pile:

Blonde Girl: [after considering her coat, turns to two random girls] I think my coat is made of dogs; no animal looks like this.

[The girls stare blankly as the blonde girl walks away.]

— Overheard by teri

* Not kidding.

Crepes Parisienne, Shadyside.
A Hipster Guy and two hipster girls eat with the mother of one of the girls.

Hipster Guy: [talking about a new club] It was so lame. The ambiance was totally jive.

Walnut Street, Shadyside:

College Girl on Cellphone: No no no: Jewish Ben lives by your place.

— Overheard by Feightner

Restroom, Buffalo Blues, Shadyside:

White Girl in Stall #1: Bring back the Decade!
White Girl in Stall #2: Which decade would you bring back?
White Girl in Stall #1: You know, like the `50s. That’d be a good one to bring back. White Girl in Stall #2: I say bring `em all back!

White Girls leave stalls, laughing and wash their hands.

Drunk Black Woman in Stall #3: She said bring ‘em ALLLL back! We be in 1870 wearing ruffled shirts! We be like pirates and shit!!

Fish Counter, Giant Eagle Market District, Center Ave:

Middle-Aged Woman: So, I can just bake those and they’re ready, right?
Fishmonger: Yep, at nine hundred fifty degrees for four days.
Middle-Aged Woman: Riiiight.
[…]
Fishmonger: So what’re you gonna tell your guests you’re making?
Middle-Aged Woman: Reservations!  Ha!

— Overheard by Kevin

Walnut Grill, Shadyside.
A Preppie Guy with spiked hair and one too many shirt buttons undone talks to two girls:

Preppie Guy: I don’t know if the uterus is involved, but if it is, the uterus needs to come out.

— Overheard by Sara

William Penn Tavern, Shadyside.
Lynard Skynard plays on the jukebox:

White Guy: Play some “Freebird”!
Black Guy with Afro: Man, I didn’t pick my hair for 3 hours to hear this shit!

— Overheard by Frenchy